Toxic Pinoy culture

“Pinoy pride”

And yung mentality na sobrang galing ng Pinoy over sa ibang lahi.

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“Judgmental in General”

Yung ang lilinis ng budhi at akala mo walang bahid ng kahit anong pagkakasala.
Tsaka yung alam mo na pinipilit ka lang nila na magkuwento pero actually gusto ka lang nilang husgahan sa mga nangyari sa buhay mo. :disappointed:

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Related sa judgmental pero yung concept ng “hiya” which is so warped.

Mahihiya ka maningil pero ichichismis mo sa ibang tao.
Mahihiya ka to confront someone about something you strongly feel is your right to say but you won’t kasi nakakahiya so you’re gonna go yakking about it to others, destroying relationships and reputations in the process.

Langyang “hiya” yan :smash:

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"Utang na loob"

This one is the root of most corruption in our country :angry:

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I agree 100%.

Toxic ang

  1. pag hindi ka tutulong kasi such “tulong” is in fact an act of nepotism or corruption, sasabihan ka na walang utang na loob, walang pakisama, way batasan, mayabang, selfish, at kung anu ano pa.

  2. pag nag English ka nang tuwid (especially kasi bulol bulol ang spoken filipino mo) sasabihan ka Na mayabang.

  3. Pag nag share ka ng anything eruditic, “madami ka mashadong alam”—- and not in a good way.

  4. All the judgments! (Dati; I don’t know if this still applies today) pag nag tank top ka or nagpahikaw beyond the one on each earlobes, super liberated Na. Pagnagpatattoo ka, nako nagddrugs Na or nagrerebelde or nagwwild.

  5. Wedding woes: dapat LAHAT iinvite or else mayabang or snob. Tapos may maggagate crash pa. Tapos kelangan sagot mo transpo and hotels. (I opted to marry in Europe and sent invites to friends and relatives I wanted to have as guests as early as a year before the scheduled date. The rest whom I was “forced” to invite, I sent out a month before the wedding, thinking Yayyy Hindi sila makakapunta. But noooo! May mga dumating nga Na Hindi ko ininvite. Narinig lang nila from an invitee Na May wedding and they automatically assumed invited din sila. As in they flew all the way in. :shock: )

  6. Yung 2 taon na sa ibang bansa tapos nakalimutan Na lahat ng Filipino words…

  7. Eto mejo sad for me. We opted to spend our daughter’s first Christmas with my dad and relatives in pinas. First apo. Took 3 weeks vacation leave and then flew in, bearing gifts of course. Met up with friends and we gave each other’s kids small gifts and that was nice. Tapos went to my dad’s place and even gave gifts to the staff, to relatives, etc. Mejo… kahit 1 pirasong mangga or di kaya 1 pacifier walang natanggap Na regalo from family/relatives ang anak ko for Christmas. Pero nasabihan ako ng ilan na “ha? Chocolates/non-designer shite/ito lang bigay mo?” Note Na mukha namang hindi sila naghihirap—-kumakain sila ng mabuti; May mga staff, pool, etc kani kanilang bahay. Still, either they treat family members who are abroad as “kawawa” kasi nag abroad (ergo naghihirap) or as source of all designer and fancy shite, whichever would suit their fancy.

  8. Ah! And pag nagtwo piece sa beach, liberated na or malandi. :shock:

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I have a theory that this stems from the core value of “humility”. Na dapat keep your head down, etcetera, never flaunt your knowledge or expertise, if possible dumb yourself down so your audience can be comfortable. So if you dare express your opinions and you dare to back it up by data/credible resources, ANG DAMI MO’NG ALAM.

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This legitimately bummed me out. :sob:

Reminded me of a friend who went back home for two weeks and every single day she had to pay for all meals na nag-dine out sila (family / friends / old co-workers). And sometimes kulang yung dala niyang “baon” she unfortunately had to ask some of her companions to help pay the bill. For instance she withdrew Php 5k and the bill was for 6k na hindi niya inexpect and didn’t have any extra on her. Tapos yun nga with all the pasalubong na bitbit, not one person gave her anything kahit card man lang for her birthday. Which they “celebrated” all two weeks long by having her treat all of them to good food. :sad:

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Dati mabait ako, pero nung lumaon, ayoko na ng “pabili”. Kasi minsan anlalaki or ambibigat. So nung lumaon, di ko na sinasabi sa madami kelan ako uuwi :hihi: or at most, isa lang pwede pabili per friend tapos hindi dapat super laki.

I think “utang na loob” is evil. It is used as a tool for manipulation and emotional blackmail by irrational parents.

I completely agree with this article that articulately laid it all out. But, copying the major points in the essay na super agree ako:

  1. The issue with “invisible debt” or “utang na loob,” as it has been discussed in many blogs, is that it has an unlimited cost. Unlike a common loan, one is never certain how much more has to be paid, or when the loan will expire.

  2. I believe that “utang na loob” has no place in the parent-child relationship. I think it’s inappropriate for parents to demand a return of investment. Parents should not ask payment for “products and services” they were supposed to provide their children for free.

  3. The basis for accountability should always be choice. However, in the case of children and parents, only one party was involved in the decision making: parents chose to have children, but children didn’t choose to have parents. Why then should children be held accountable, why should they be held in debt, for choices that their parents made?

  4. It is a form of abuse, and it is not ethical. "Utang na Loob” implies that a child was provided basic needs, not because he or she is loved, but because there is an expected return. “You owe us, therefore, you should pay us back.” This particular demand is irrational and cruel. It also turns love and affection into an economic resource.

  5. [Y]ou will always have “utang na loob,” until your parents decide that you don’t. If you disobey an irrational demand, “Wala kang utang na loob.” If you select a partner your parents do not favor, “Wala kang utang na loob.” If you decide to move out sooner than your parents want you to, “Wala kang utang na loob.” If you disobey any of their wishes (whether or not these wishes are reasonable), “Wala kang utang na loob.”

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Dahil maraming kamag-anak si wifey sa abroad, and close ako sa family nya, I always see this. Ako yung nahihiya para dun sa mga makakapal ang mukha. And it’s irritating too. Lalo na alam ko yung pinagdaanan ng family nya para makapag-abroad sila and kung ano yung tiyaga nila dito. Kaya meron din akong mga kamag-anak dito na ayaw nila pumupunta sa side nila kapag umuuwi sila ng Pilipinas kasi they’re always expected na mag-abot ng pera, magpakain, etc.

Ako naniniwala naman ako sa utang na loob, pero hindi sa utang na loob na SINISINGIL. Kapag isinumbat, bayad na dapat.

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^ I agree with the above and I’ve observed this even from my own family or my friends’ parents.

Ayoko din yung ugali na ‘self-pity’ at itsitsismis ka pa sa mga kakilala na kesyo nasa ibang bansa, hindi nagpapadala ng balikbayan box o pera o kung anumang materyal na bagay na iniexpect, pero kapag nagpadala ka naman, hindi abot sa standards dahil, ay, “Kate Spade, siguro sa outlet lang 'to binili - di man lang mag pa LV, afford naman niya.” Damn if you do, damn if you don’t.

Naalala ko nung gusto kong mag-try for Pisay, nahadlangan kaagad ng mga comments na “Dito ka na lang sa probinsya, baka hindi mo kayanin doon.” “Eh di ba, matatalino lang doon? Hindi ka naman valedictorian.” So bata ka pa lang, may blow na agad sa self-esteem mo, kahit gaano kapa ka-confident, you will question yourself since you’re barely a teenager and impressionable. Dahil nag-lilinger din din yung mga ‘walang utang na loob’ comments. “Tingnan mo yung anak ni ganyan, sinuway mga magulang, kaya napariwara.” Even entering UP was a big deal - na baka maging NPA, masyadong liberated at kung anu-ano. Then when their children become successful, the endless self-absorbed bragging ensue, or worse, diminish their accomplishments. “Kaya lang naman yan nakapagtapos at naging ganyan ang estado eh dahil sa mga sakripisyo ko.” Sa mga ganitong ka-pamilya, kailangan i-establish talaga yung boundaries maaga pa lang. Or limit interaction kung hindi talaga kapag mag-cut ng ties.

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May mga kamag-anak naman ako na ang taas ng tingin sarili nila kasi nakapag-abroad na ang mga anak nila. Mababa tingin sa kamag-anak na sa Pinas nagwowork. In short, their definition of someone successful is when you are working abroad. Lagi nilang sinasabihan ang magulang ko nun (nung nasa Pinas pa kami nag-wowork ng ate ko) kung bakit di kami pagtrabahuhin sa abroad kasi wala kaming mapapala dito. Buti pinagtatanggol kami ng nanay ko. :disappointed:

Another one, di naman lahat dito, pero karamihan ng Pinoy lagi nilang sinasabi na gutom ang aabutin pag nag-stay lang sa Pinas. Ilang beses ko yang naexperience at pati ng asawa ko. Yung mga nakikilala ko dito tuloy, iniisip nila na sobrang hirap sa Pinas at kaya kami andito para umangat ang buhay. Pedeng andito for various reasons? Nag-aaral, na-inlove, or na-absorb sa work? :woman_facepalming:

Eto pa: pag-atheist ka, masamang tao ka. Ilang beses akong nasabihan na “walang Diyos sa katawan” or “masamang tao” ang asawa ko dahil lang atheist sya. Or kahit minsan pag sinabi mong wala kang relihiyon, masama ka pa din. Bwisit! :angry:

Padrino style. Pag may position ka sa kumpanya, yung ibang kakilala or kamag-anak, sinasabing back upan ko yung mga irerefer nila para makapasok sa company. Ieexpect nila na tutulungan mo talagang makapasok. Pede bang tulungan lang sa application? Pag-dinecline mo, sila pa galit.

Yung mga nabanggit sa taas, agree din ako.

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Gusto ko lang sabihin na hindi pang regalo sa iba levels ang LV. Kahit para sa misis ko, hindi ko pa rin maatim ang presyo ng LV. Buti na lang ayaw din nya. Hahaha.

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Hatest ko siguro yung may comment agad sa weight/itsura whenever you see each other. “Uy, parang tumaba ka/pumayat ka/pumuti ka/umitim ka!” Akala kasi siguro nila compliment sa iba yun. Like me for example sobrang payat ko nung college (as in Kim Chiu payat), ganun. Tapos nung nagka 2 anak na ako, I gained weight na. Hindi naman overweight pero may nagcomment ba naman sa FB (payat sya) ng: “Buti ka pa tumaba, ako kahit anong gawin ko hindi ako tumataba.” O di ba?!? :fuming:

Tapos tama nga kayo about relatives or friends expecting na ikaw ang magbabayad pag galing abroad. Yung hubby ko pa naman mabait din sa family nya. Kaya nga naisip ko pag umuwi kami dapat magsave ng bongga kasi malamang sa bawat kain sa labas, kami ang taya.

May isa pa pala, yung mag PM sa iyo musta? Tapos utang pala. Kasi feeling nila pag nasa abroad ka madami kang pera. I actually blocked some relatives of mine sa FB kasi message sila sa akin lagi trying to ask if my parents can lend them money. Lagi na lang pag may nahospital, nanganak, etc. I mean, ok lang pag once pero paulit ulit na talaga. Syempre alam naman na hindi utang yun, bigay lang. Masyado rin mabait dad ko kaya hindi makahindi. So ang ginawa ko ako na lang ang nagcut ng ties para hindi na sila macontact. I didn’t want to do it but I have to. Kasi hindi makakapagretire ang parents ko kung ganun na lang lagi. :sad:

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Utang na loob is a very toxic Pinoy culture. Can we all just pay it forward? Do a good deed for another person? I think dapat lahat tayo hindi naghahangad ng kapalit.

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So true. Ayoko rin ng utang na loob na yan. Pero bakit ganun, kahit gusto mong makawala sa ganung practice, ang hirap. Like one time, may Pinoy friend ako na nagoffer magbantay ng kids namin so my hubby and I can go out for our anniv. Pero parang after that nageexpect sya na I would return the favor. I did treat her sa Starbucks pero after that nagtext na sya inviting herself to hangout at our place. Yun din kasi ang ayoko, yung di ka naman invited pero magsasabi kang punta ka. Never akong nagsabi sa iba na “uy punta ako sa inyo” unless they already invited me before.

Isa pang ayoko sa Pinoy culture yung feeling family or feeling close na puwede na lang magpunta or magstay sa bahay nyo. As much as possible pag magvisit kami ng friend naghohotel kami sa malapit. Kung maginvite sila na magstay kami, ok lang. Pero hiyang hiya na ako nun.

Dati nga, may former classmate akong taga ibang state na nagmessage sa akin. Nagulat ako sabi dadaan daw sila sa amin. Ok lang naman kung nagpaalam ng ilang days before para makapagprepare ako pero that same day din sila bumisita (nagPM sya na they’re a town away) at guess what kasama pa nya American in-laws nya!! So wala akong time to prepare food. Sabi nya, don’t worry kakain naman kami before pumunta, huwag ka na magprepare. Pero syempre nahiya akong walang serve, so I just had pizza delivered. Pagdating nila, yung itsura nila parang “ito lang ang handa?” Yung in-laws ata nya nasanay na ang Pinoy madami maghanda (pano naman kaya kung ilang hours before lang sinabi di ba?!) tapos yung isa pa pala lactose intolerant kaya di puwede cheese. Akala ko kumain na sila pero it turned out pumunta silang di pa kumakain! smh

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Sinasabi lang natin ang magaganda sa isang tao kapag patay na siya.

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Kate spade na or coach, nagrereklamo pa rin. Huwag na lang bigyan! Kagigil.

May running joke di ba, ano raw ang kasunod ng mars,… eh di pautang :laugh: Nakakainis yung magpi PM sayo tapos mangungutang lang pala. Kapag di mo pinautang, kesyo mayabang ka na or whatever. Kapag pinautang mo, pahirapan naman sa pagsingil, or sasabihan ka na kung makasingil ka kala mo tatakbuhan. :angry:

Pinoy Culture rin ba yung porke manager ka, iniexpect nila na maipapasok mo sila sa trabaho ng ganun ganun lang? Kaya ako sa work, i specifically asked na huwag ma a assign sa probinsiya namin kasi baka ganyan mangyari.

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Not sure if this is uniquely Pinoy?

Yung magfoforward ng mga CT scan/lab test results (worse ng mga kamaganakakan nila) sa FB, tapos ipapabasa, or yung informal consult kapag mga binyagan/get together.

Initially I do not mind, especially if kilala ko personally dad nila, and I care about them. Pero naman :fuming: yung never ko nameet yung tao, hindi ko ma-history ng maayos, hindi ko maPE ng matino, ang ackward. I feel ambushed? Kapag close friends siyempre tutulong at tutulong. Pero gah! Yung mga kamaganak na maalala ka lang kapag may kailangan.

TIP. Ask first if okay for them to accept online consultation, most of the time naman okay lang. Wag lang talaga yung ambush :frowning:

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Sa amin baliktad. Hindi maintindihan ng a lot of my relatives bakit ako “nagabroad”. E kesyo hindi naman daw kami naghihirap (bakit? kelangan ba maghirap para mangibang bansa?). E nakatapos at may ok na job naman daw ako sa pinas, bakit kelangan mag aral pa again and again and again (hindi ba Puwedeng sumaya nalang sila for me?). E kesyo only child at babae so, dapat “sumunod” ako sa tatay ko and alagaan sha and kawawa naman Kasi mag isa sha and dapat dun ako manirahan sa bahay niya (uhmmm… longest time na magkasama kami ng tatay ko sa isang bahay since I was born e 1.5months and tinanong pa ako kung bakit ako andun ako and kung kelan ako aalis. at never sha mag isa.) E bakit daw kelangan magwork abroad e diba mahirap dun, walang kasambahay and magbaby sit ka lang and magclean ng own and others’ houses? :shock:

Haha I also get this. Yung biglang may magmemessage sayo na sobrang haba tapos may scan pa ng mga dokumento. so manghihingi pala ng legal advice. tapos pagsasabihan mo na pasensha pero hindi ka nagfafamily law and magrerecommend ka ng other lawyers na gumagwa nyan, ang reply e either “ay akala ko ba magaling ka? wala ka palang alam.” o di kaya “sus. sabihin mo lang gusto mo magpabayad. napakaselfish mo naman.”

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