I’m not yet a parent but I’d like to know your thoughts about this topic. May mga naexperience ba kayo sa parents niyo na hindi niyo gagawin sa mga anak / magiging anak niyo?
Never ko gagawin ito:
- Magtatrabaho full time at iiwan anak ko sa yaya
- Hindi mag attend ng PTC
- Hindi mag attend ng Recognition Day ng anak ko na consistent honor student
Following this thread. Curious din ako dito. Puwede naman talaga na hindi mamalo, 'di ba? (I’m speaking as a Laki sa Palo. Lol.)
At some point mag-evolve to sa “never say never” thread, lalo na ngayong trapped ang buong family with each other.
Sorry defeatist, speaking as a parent lang.
Hahaha! That is true. Mag-iiba rin talaga pag andyan na ang bulilit/s Parenting styles evolve through time and also differ per kid. May kayang idaan sa mahinahong usapan at may hindi nakikinig sa ganung paraan.
It basically boils down to know your child, know yourself, be flexible and learn to adapt.
Yes, pwede. Part ito ng Positive Discipline parenting.
Di ko kayang paluin… well baby pa sya. Tingnan natin pag nag 3 or 4 na
I want to say na I will always support him in everything he does but now palang nasi sense ko na I will be the stock soap opera kontrabida mom na no girl is good enough for my boy manghihimasok and paiimbestigahan yung GF niya and all that.
Namamalo. Lumaki ako sa palo - walis tingting, sineles, belt. Napaluhod din ako sa mungo. Squat sa kanto. Face the wall. I told myself when I became a mom I will try my hardest not to, hold off hanggang kaya.
My lo is 8yo now so I think I am well past that stage. Never napalo, napitik or nakurot anak ko. Intially concerned ako sa parents ko kase nga lumaki ako sa palo but from the start nilinaw ko na my kid, my rule.
Relaxed ang parenting style ko. Lots of positive reinforcement. One thing I draw the line is no to corporal punishment (spanking, paddles, belt, kurot, sampal). My oldest is almost 11 now and I have a 2 and 5 yo. Never laid a hand on them. I have a strong stance on this. How are we OK on inflicting aggression to force our will on children? Some will say, napalo ako as a kid and I turned out ok and I’m glad you did, but some didn’t fare so well. There’s compelling research out there na it only has short term benefit (out of fear) yet adverse outcomes long term.
What’s positive discipline parenting? Can you please share some examples?
Yung pinsan ng officemate ko may anak tapos bawal daw siyang magfrown. Dapat daw laging happy. Ngayon tingin ko di na makaexpress mabuti ng emotions yung bata kasi bawal daw malungkot. Dunno why that is pero nakakabother.
I really don’t practice it to a T, pero here’s what I read about it:
It’s about having a connection with your children. Making them feel they belong and are responsible for their actions.
Spanking, yelling are discouraged. Because both show disrespectfulness. We want our kids to respect us, so we have to respect them as well. So for example, you are teaching your child how to pack away his toys. You also tell him the consequence of not packing them away, i.e. he cannot play with the toys for a while. So if in the future you find his toys scattered, instead of yelling, you can just take away the toys and just remind him in a calm manner why you did so. Kids respond better when you talk to them calmly. Sabi ng isang research, if we’re upset, they become upset and their brains’ learning functions shut down. So kahit na anong pagtatatalak gawin natin, walang pumapasok sa kokote (Look who’s talking though, I go on talak sprees once in a while. )
Another example is if your child wants to do an activity but it’s a NO for you, instead of outrightly saying No, you redirect his attention to another activity that he likes (kaya important that you know your child). It not only reduces the never-ending “Why not?” questions, less chance of him doing defiant behavior.
Salamat sa tanong mo, napabasa at review ulit ako. Need to constantly remind myself of these
Thank you for that explanation. Makes sense. I really think spanking or shouting is not the answer because we can calmly talk and explain things. Personally I rarely get angry, as in mabibilang ko lang sa isang kamay ko yung times na galit na galit ako. Pag nagkaroon na ako ng anak hopefully masustain ko haha. I have a very chill and relaxed aura.
OnT: I will (try) to never compare my kids with their siblings or other kids.
Far from being a parent but planning to be one, hopefully one day.
I just worry that children nowadays lack the resilience in adversity. Konting mahirapan, nagmamaktol na. If they dont get what they want, they turn into tantrums.
I always ask my partner how to raise children who will acknowledge their true emotions, work around the situation, be sad, be angry but bounce from it. Lots of people fall to the trap of suicide (even those who were known to be happy ones).
Hmmmn I saw in The Return of Superman (Korean reality show) who have triplets - he tries his best to isolate the kid while disciplining him (at 2yo) because he doesnt want this kid being embarassed in front of people or in front of his siblings
Wala akong maisip na “don’t”, dun na lang muna sa “do”.
Sabi ng anak ko ang hirap lokohin ng magulang na mabuti / fair. Yun daw nagger na parents kasi parang feeling ng friends nya, justified na suwayin/ lokohin, pero pag matino daw parent, parang nakaka guilty.
I will never
- tuck my child away, far from the public’s eye (and awareness), just because I think my child’s existence and presence would affect my career and public perception (aka votes);
- wrench my child from her parent, just because I think my co-parent is not good enough to be associated with me;
- tell my child that she/he is not talented;
- have my child grow up in an altogether different city with household staff 24/7 from infancy onwards and only check up on her to ask if she/he has gone to mass or why she only got 90 in Math or the like;
- do nos. 1-4 here and then tell my child and all those who would listen that I have always been a good parent and that my child turned out the way she/he did because of me.
May who- But, really, I will let my child play instead of forcing the child to do academics all the time (especially when she/he is still at a very young age). A healthy balance between study/work and play is good, methinks.
@Gesundheit feel ko ang hugot
Discovered the effects of yelling firsthand, my son lashes out and repeated the words he heard nung one time that I lost my temper which ended up napagalitan siya. So he was crying and had a major tantrum in the middle of the night. When he finally calmed down, he said he was upset with the “words” and the “shouting.” I felt really bad kaya now if I feel like I’m going to lose it, I just remove myself from the room. Kids really pay attention to their parents. Hindi ko siya mautusan unless I say “may you please” because that’s how we taught him to say if he wants something from us or another person.
I can attest to this too - like TV time for example, he’s not allowed to watch on weekdays - so we would bargain for a bit and then hopefully end up singing or reading, for example.
Yung pagiging tiger mom.
Parenting is a struggle for me so i always talk to the kiddo that we’re suppsoed to be a team. We need to help each other out.
I can’t promise that I won’t be a tiger mom, but I will try not to choose the career of my children. I will let them follow their own interests. Honestly, I’ve been a good daughter ever since. I followed my mom’s dream for me to become a doctor. She never really told me outright to choose a science course. Pero somehow she “steered” me to that direction and I ended up still going to med school. I tried to like it, but then I’ve always wondered if I had been happier if I had taken Architecture. But when I think about it now, I met my now husband through a friend I met in med school. So in a way, it was my mom’s prodding that led me to meet him. (Wow, life story sharing na 'to, sorry). But definitely, I won’t meddle with my children’s careers.
I’m probably the opposite of most people here. Namamalo ako. Albeit RARELY. At least in my experience, it’s effective because it helps reinforce the point I am trying to make. Laging may usap muna. And right after, meron din. And kahit namamalo ako, never, never akong namalo in anger or irritation. Mahirap talaga mamalo. And for me, that’s my check para sabihin ko na hindi ko dapat abusuhin yung authority ko sa bata.
Meron din kaming kamag-anak, yung panganay, napalo. He’s eight now, and minus yung mga natural na topak ng bata, he’s really well-behaved. Hindi na rin sya pinapalo, syempre. In contrast, his mom tried yung positive reinforcement dun sa pangalawa. He’s 4 now, and super brat and super baby din. He’s not a bad kid, but parang wala syang preno. He expects everyone else to adjust to what he wants. He only stopped breast feeding a few months ago. Hindi sya mapigilan ng mommy nya, kahit ipinanganak yung baby sister nya — inaagawan pa nya ng gatas yung kapatid nya.
I used to spank my younger brother (+). Parang first child ko na rin yun. Oh well.
When I had children of my own, I figured that wasn’t the way to do things. I had an awakening when my first born was around 5, that I was a helicopter tiger dad, and that wasn’t good for my daughter’s mental health. So hindi na ako namalo sa mga anak ko.
I don’t think I’d ever have kids of my own but I took care of kids that I treated like my own.
Unlike their mom, I never spanked them when they misbehaved. Instead, I talk to them calmly explaining why I need to put them on time out or take away things they value(iPad or toy).