My nephews and niece loves to stay at my place kase palo-free sila. Even now na may quarantine, one calls everyday and says he wants to go the white house (my house is painted off white). My sis don’t hurt him pero yung tatay nya ang namamalo and tells me “galit daddy! Palo ako!” 
pag uuwi na sila nagwawala. Ayaw daddy daw. My tita heart breaks.
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Sa kabaligtaran naman, i dont think we will ever be the permissive type. Hindi pwedeng walang rules.
Classic example is afternoon nap. He is four. I know some kids dont nap at this age anymore. Pero, alam ko din that if he does not nap, cranky na sya way ahead of usual bedtime. And he also doesnt like it kasi he wants to enjoy dinnertime pa with us. So we give him a choice. If he naps, he can watch TV. If hinde, well, no TV time. Choice nya pa din naman pero again may semblance of rules kahit pano. Hindi pwedeng rakenrol lang kung ano gusto nya.
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Ang dami kong naiisip na gagawin at hindi gagawin sa future kid/s namin. Sa sobrang dami, sabi ng asawa ko, “baka kaya nde pa tayo binibigyan, ang dami nating hiling.” haha… So ngayon, antay na lang muna. Saka ko na iisipin pag meron na. 
I am following this thread. Your insights are very helpful. Though I am not a mom yet, I am co-parenting my husband’s kid. I grew up in a very strict household (a military mom and a Chinese dad). Lahat ng klaseng disiplina inabot ko: pinapalo, tinatali sa gate, pinalayas, binato ng kung anu-ano, name it. Hahaha! Yung mga natanggap kong pananakit, for sure di ko gagawin sa magiging anak ko.
Mahirap lang yung kalagayan ko kasi I am co-parenting lang. Di ko alam kung saan ako poposisyon. Mabait naman ang stepson ko (8yo), in fact, sweet sya sa kin, kaya lang pag tinotoyo sya at di nasunod ang gusto, nagkakaroon ng violent tendencies. Sinisipa, sinusuntok, dinuruan, binabato ng gamit, middle finger yung tatay nya. Minsan, nag-aattempt pang tumalon sa bintana. 
Sumasagot din ng pabalang kadalasan at nagdadabog. Hindi ko alam kung saan nakuha nung bata yung pagiging bayolente kasi hindi kami nag-aaway sa harap nya ever.
He also has troubles playing alone. Kelangan laging may katabi sya or kalaro na pupurihin lahat ng ginagawa nya. He has a lot of expensive toys pero lahat useless kasi nga di sya marunong maglaro mag-isa.
May attitude din sia bagets na ayaw patalo sa iba. If there are games, nagagalit sya pag natatalo. Kala ko normal lang nung una kasi competitive talaga ang mga bata pero one time, may nakataas sa kanya sa exam. Nung binalik ng teacher yung papel nya, nagbago sya ng sagot at binalik sa teacher yung paper nya at sabing mali yung checking. Hay. Naloka ako. 
I think na-observe ko is masyadong liberating magpalaki tong asawa ko. Pinagsasabihan nya pero pag di sumunod, hinahayaan na lang. Ang rason nya, di alam ng bata ang ginagawa nya. Ang point ko naman, para malaman ng bata na mali sya, kelangan syang pagsabihan. Parents are here to guide and mold the child. 
May masusuggest ba kayo na pede kong gawin as a stepmom? We already sought a help of a child psychologist but of course, the disciplining part is still up to us. Gusto ko mang mamalo at manampal ng bagets 
pero ayokong manakit kasi kawawa naman.
May usapan ba kayo ng partner mo kung paano yung disiplina sa bata? If you are allowed to have a say? My sister-in-law kasi used to co-parent yung panganay ng asawa nya sa ibang babae. Napapagalitan lang nya, it got blown out of proportion and nagkaroon pa tuloy ng custody case and my brother-in-law lost so sa ex-wife nya napunta yung bata. Now, he’s not allowed to see her until she’s 18. So I think first of all dapat may usapan kayo ng partner nyo kung hanggang saan ka pwede magdisiplina, and what approach you guys will take TOGETHER. Para unified front kayo. Tapos when you reach a decision, dapat kausapin nyo yung bata so he understands that he’s going to be under your authority as well. And unless you’re going to be laizzez faire like your partner, be prepared to hear stuff like “You’re not my real mom”.
He said I can disicpline the kid like my own child but still, it is holding me back kasi ayaw ko ng gulo (tulad nyang nasa example mo) lalo pa at hindi kami in good terms ng nanay ng bata. For sure, magkakagulo. So far, andun palang ako sa stage na pinagsabihan ko sya. Pero pag nagiging bayolente na, I don’t know what to do anymore. Ayoko namang saktan.
Nasa asawa ko ang full custody ng bata.
That custody thing can change, kapag nagsumbong yung bata. Mag-claim lang sya ng “abuse,” wala na.
I guess you can try na kapag extreme na, yung husband mo na ang bahala, pero sa simula, ikaw ang magsasabi. Ganyan ngayon ang style ng same sister-in-law ko sa mga anak nila ngayon - sya yung “good cop”, tapos kapag grabe na, time for dad to step in. Also, maganda rin siguro that you keep trying to build rapport and engage with the kid kapag good mood sya para kapag pinagsasabihan mo, it doesn’t stand out in his head. Yung tipong kinekwentuhan mo sya about yourself, sinusubukan mong turuan ng life lessons, asking questions like bakit nya pinapakyu yung tatay nya, and so on. I have a 4 year old, and ganun ang ginagawa ko - I talk to her about right and wrong things kahit wala syang bad na ginagawa. Nire-relate ko sa mga play ideas nya, or kapag nanonood sya ng mga video.
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OMG pede palang magbago pa yun kahit psychologically incapacitated ang nanay. Thanks for the info!
May language barrier kami ng bata kasi di pa ako magaling mag-German pero I would try to talk to him about it. Nakikinig naman sya sa kin most of the time. I would definitely take note of your advice. Super thank you! 
Hirap pala maging magulang. 
Oh, I didn’t know na psychologically incapacitated yung nanay. I don’t know kung paano kapag ganun. Yung sa sister-in-law ko kasi, alam ko full custody yung brother-in-law ko dun sa bata, until nagsumbong sya, and the court sided with her birth mom and gave her full custody.
Hirap talaga maging magulang. I can’t speak to parenting a stepkid, pero sa akin kasi, it does have its very profound rewards. Hindi ako atat magkaroon ng anak dati, but I don’t regret having my kids at all.
Also, my sister-in-law had the extra challenge of being a first-time mom while parenting her stepdaughter. Good luck! Hopefully it works out and your care rubs off on the kid.
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May psychological issues yung nanay kaya di napunta sa kanya kahit 3yo palang yung bata nun. Pero I think tama ka, pag may abuse case na ganito, sa kanya to mapupunta lalo na pag sinabi ng bata na gusto nyang sumama sa nanay.
Thank you still! Kahit step parent lang ako, I know makakatulong ang point of view ng real parents. Pede ko sya i-relay sa asawa ko. 
I hope this would make me really prepared when it is my turn to raise and discipline my own child.
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Accept the fact that it will take a “village” to raise the kid, meaning establish open lines of communication and trust, the child is not an inanimate object that can be passed around when it’s malfunctioning. Set ground rules and agree on parenting objectives with both biological parents and even the in-laws if possible, be the facilitator if you have the inclination and enough grit to face up to the responsibility, don’t take up the burden of bringing up the child according to your own standards, co-create the vision of what desirable behaviors you wnat the child to develop together with the family and collectively work towards that goal…refer to third party/professional help as needed but don’t rely on them…
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Indeed Kuya @slaine . We are not giving up. This is still the perfect time to mold the kid. Though my husband has given me the full authority to discipline the kid, I opted to just assist him and leave everything on his hands simply because, di ko sya anak. Mahirap na.
My husband said he would lift some of the restrictions on the kid because he can’t control his behavior anymore when he is mad. We’ll see if this one is effective but I’m not 100% onboard to that. Hay…
Yan yung problem. Kung mismong tatay, hindi mahigpit, mahirap na ikaw pa na hindi nya talaga nanay, mas mahigpit pa. That’s why I suggested na daanin mo na lang sa psychological conditioning. Pwede pa yan kasi 8 pa lang sya so medyo suggestible pa yan.
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I want to encourage her to share but at the same time I want her to know that she can say “no” if she doesn’t want to share and it makes her uncomfortable to do so.
Ang sabi ng mga matatanda, dapat may isang mahigpit and isang mabait. Kaso parehas kaming ayaw naming makitang “masama” e.
Just to add sa conversation above – I am the primary parent to my kiddo but her dad is present din and they communicate on a regular basis. However, when it comes to disciplining our daughter and the hows and whys I take reign and he gladly supports me. The few times I saw issues, I share the situation with her dad, I ask his input and we agree on how to handle it. After a day or two he will call or see her and then would reinforce. I guess from my kiddo’s pov she see’s a unified decision and action when it comes to her wellbeing - whether good or bad she knows na same kame ng stand ng dad nya and I think it makes her trust us more at the end. 
makes sense pa ba? 
inaantok na kase ako.
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I strongly disagree with that kind of style. I think especially in the long run, maganda na nakikita ng bata na unified front yung parents. Para discouraged yung going behind anyone’s back. Also, pwede naman firm na hindi lalabas na “masama”. Kami, laging may paliwanag sa bata why we were angry or why siya na time-out or napalo. And we always try to do it na hindi out of anger or inis para maayos namin kakausapin yung bata. It takes effort, pero ganun talaga ang parenting.
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One thing I noticed with my hubby, he likes to divert my son instead of saying no so as to avoid tantrums and disagreements. It’s ok to say no from time to time. Yang mga hindi nasabihan ng NO, pansin ko usually entitled and spoiled kasi they don’t understand what a NO means talaga. I’m the one who says NO to our kid but not by yelling. I try to talk to him why I said no and why he shouldn’t be throwing tantrums. I know he’s 2 and still can’t really understand what you’re saying but if you show na calm ka and reasonable in your tone, the kid will pick it up na hindi ka galit and he feels safe na there’s something better for him. So far it’s working.
For example, kanina, he wanted to mix his milk and juice. My husband was distracting him to drink water agad kasi ayaw niya magkalat kasi magdadabog when you tell him NO. Ako naman, I told him NO. Don’t mix the drinks. I told my son to hand the cups and demonstrated it will taste bad (I mixed a drop of each and showed na ewwy). I asked him nicely to hand me the cups so that prevents him na magdabog. He looked so dejected at first but he got it naman it’s not nice to mix drinks so he himself asked me for water na lang.
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I try to do that too, hindi yung “NO” lang then bahala ka sumunod “because I said so” or “it’s for your own good.” Tiyaga talaga ang kailangan sa pagpapaliwanag sa bata.