A relative once visited us. Nung tinawag ko na anak ko for bath before bedtime, nagulat si relative. Bakit ko daw papaliguan gabi na. Hihina daw katawan. Ha, so hindi ko lilinisan e maghapon nagpawis? Besides, we’ve been doing that since he’s a baby.
For me, wala din problema kung maglaro ng lutu-lutuan kahit lalaki. I even encourage this pretend play. Apparently, may issues pala si MIL. So binigyan nya ng toy guns at sword (na trip naman ng isang apo nya). I don’t recall what her exact words were but alam nyo na, something to do with gender stereotyping. Pagka alis nya, tinapon ko binigay nya. Bwiset.
Akala ko normal lang na sa evening paliguan ang baby Kasi yun rin gawain namin dito mula pa pagkanewborn. Lalo ngayon yikes ang dugyot na ni LO after maglaro the whole day!
@vaninay Naloka naman ako. Nasa buhok na pala mababase ngayon ang magiging orientation ng tao
@Gesundheit yes, HS freshman ata ako nung senior year mo. Friends kaya tayo sa FB! Clue: isa ako sa nagcomment nung nag-ask ka ng recommendations sa Netflix after watching Broadchurch
Hindi ko pa pala na-try sumagot ng “anong masama sa pagiging bading?”
I also use this line when my mom would like to share health-related advice.
Yung kailan susundan, I always get - parang a few months after manganak ng wife ko, may nagtatanong na niyan. Ngayon I just reply back, “no plans yet” and then return the question to them kahit mga lolo’t lola na sila
OMG my blood boils when I hear stupid things like this from freaking stupid old people!
this thread should probably be called “Stupid Things people Say to Parents”
My baby boy did not have a single tooth until after his 1st birthday and even I was beginning to wonder. However, a consultation with Google eased my worries, just be patient. But then yung MIL ko saw me one time carrying my kid around in my shoulder or a piggy back ride and she exclaims: “Oh no, wag mo’ng i-piggy back, kaya tuloy wala pa’ng ipen!”
I mean working mothers’ default setting is already “guilty” but let’s go ahead and add one more thing that’s my fault right.
Gets ko naman that they just mean well but the constant comments and criticisms tend to really wear one down specially when you’re already doing your best.
Does it make sense (especially for us na first time parents) na our parents/in-laws think they know better than us because the “papunta ka pa lang, pabalik na ako” mentality? Like when my son was just a baby, wala akong ginawang tama sa mata ng nanay ko - she would always criticize my parenting style/decisions whenever she came to visit. She would always comment on how dirty our carpet is and we shouldn’t let our son crawling on the floor (kahit may additional layer of blanket), or di ko raw kinukusot yung puting damit niya, or wag ipasok sa daycare kasi mahahawa siya sa mga sakit ng mga bata na andun. Ano nga ‘yung term? Grand-smother?
HINDI KA NAG-IISA! My MIL and my mom, and my numerous aunts act the same exact way.
Yung constant culprit though, is my dear MIL because she is the one who can visit us often and long.
I do want her around because she is a great cook and she loves my son haha but like, she does have a lot to say about everything that has to do with parenting. Yung ginawa namin ng husband ko, which I really appreciate, is present a united front, like this is our decision, and you have to respect it. hindi niya ako nilalaglag sa harap ng nanay niya, he backs me up, and I back him up too. And we always quote our doctor, cite research and scientific evidence. Dun napapatahimik si MIL sabay deep sigh: “Well, you all know everything.”
I know that this probably hurts them, because in their minds, they know how to and you’re their kid and needs their constant guidance and assistance so you don’t mess their grandbaby up, it’s really a lesson on both sides about boundaries and realizing that you have to give up a measure of your control somewhere. Grandparents need to realize that in their kids’ house, they are the guests, and their kids’ rules are to be respected. I think that’s the toughest part kasi in their eyes, you will forever be their little boy.
@calvinlucas “grandsmother” I guess some parents have this I-know-better-than-you attitide. As if 1 parenting style is the fairest of them all. my child crawls on our floor—on carpets, on the wooden floor itself, and even on the terrace (provided it’s warm enough). She also crawls on the grass.
On-Topic: Hindi namin inexpect na mag aanak ka actually. Career-oriented ka kasi. Huy! Kinakawawa mo asawa mo! Bakit sha pinapachange mi ng diapers/bakit sha nagbabantay sa baby? Ang bully mo! Dapat ikaw gumagawa nyan e!
And to add to the gender stereotyping comments: She should wear pink because she is a girl. / Why did you get a blue stroller? Did you initially want a boy? She should take up ballet and tennis. She’s a girl.
Anyway, @calvinlucas and @abbymaria medyo napigilan ko pangengelam sa akin ng parents ko. Everytime they comment on how I am rearing my child I answer back talaga, I tell them outright na they had their chance with us their kids and dami nilang reklamo so baka dapat ako muna bahala sa anak ko. Insensitive maybe and possibly bordering disrespectful but they knooooooow my point ako. I really had to put my foot down early on.
+1 to this. I never was obsessed with having a boy — I have two girls and I would not exchange them for the world. Ako, kahit noon pa, ang panalangin ko, hindi “sana boy” kundi “sana healthy.”
Although I have heard all-boy parents being told the same, pero reverse naman, isa pa para girl naman.
I don’t wish children on people who don’t want them.
+1 on daughters being “pambayad utang”. We’re four girls in the family, so my mom gets that a lot (and our father wasn’t exactly the most decent human being). I recall, during my youngest sister’s baptism (I was 9 then)…
Mahadera Relative: Apat na maria. Pambayad utang ni (name of paternal unit).
My Mudra: Ang laki ng hirap ko diyan, apat na beses na biniyak ang tiyan ko (she had 4 C/S), tapos pambabayad ng utang?! Siya magbayad ng utang niya.
Same! We have 2 boys kaya yung sa amin naman ay:
“Dapat isa pa, para babae naman.”
Response ko lagi: Ok na kami sa dalawa, then followed by one of these, 1. Give chance to others (na makadagdag sa populasyon ng Pinas); 2. Ikaw na lang kung gusto mo; or 3. Katawan mo?
Hahahaha!
Pinakabwiset though yung, “Walang mag-aalaga sa inyo pagtanda kasi wala kayong anak na babae”. Response namin, “Hindi namin kailangan ng anak para diyan.”
I think because merong old wives’ tale na if mag piggy back ride si baby while teeth are still developing, magiging sungki ang ipen daw. So I guess my MIL took a scientific leap from that and connected it to my son’s late teething
@gugs sinabi mo na lahat! Sila kaya ang magbuntis ulit. And I don’t need a girl to be happy. Hindi rin assurance na aalagaan ka ng anak mong girl. Minsan ang boys pa ang mas maalaga. Sabi nga ng panganay ko, gusto nya nakatira lang kami sa isang bahay in the future. Or kung puwede malapit lang sa family nya. Pero syempre di naman ako magiinsist. I still want them to have their privacy.
About the gender stereotyping, ganun kasi minsan ang thinking ng iba. Yung hubby ko nga minsan napapacomment dahil yung panganay namin mahilig sa rainbows. Pero pinabayaan na rin nya. Tapos nagpa-knit sa akin yung anak ko ng scarf na rainbow. Sya ang pumili sa crafts store ng yarn color. May kitchen set din yung two boys ko. I don’t see anything wrong with it. They should learn how to do housechores and express themselves through color.
Ang naalala ko lang na nangialam is yung pediatrician ng boys ko (dito sa U.S.), sabi nya huwag na daw akong magbreastfeed (when my baby was 1 year old), kasi daw hindi lumalaki yung anak namin. Sya pa yung nagdiscourage di ba? Tapos gusto nyang ipotty train ko yung anak ko na 2 yrs old pa lang, like the Americans do. Hindi kasi ako naniniwala na dapat ganun kabata potty trained na. Both of my boys learned when they were ready (before kindergarten). Ginawa ko nun, nakadiaper pa rin sila nung preschool. Wala akong pakialam sa school rules.
@bestwithN what? I’m so sorry your peds wasn’t supportive on BF beyond 1 Eh maliliit talaga mga Filipino babies in general as long as they follow their own curve on the growth chart. I think provider dependent din talaga. I BF’d all 3 kids until they didn’t want the boobies anymore, ranging from 9 months to shy of 3 yrs lol. And yes to potty training on their own accord, I never force mine either by certain age.
@AvA minsan ganyan din kami sa parents namin, haha walang pake if insensitive or what sila nauna ng comment eh di makukuha din nila lol and I feel na naiisip din nila na out of line minsan… kahit di nila i-admit out loud… ego perhaps? Something na we don’t practice din with our kids. When we realize na mali pala yung ginagawa nakin we say sorry, you are right, or sorry I hurt your feelings, or sorry I shouldn’t have yelled at you like that. It validates their feelings and when they feel respected, it really goes a long way and noticeable yung positive behavior changes.
OnT: Hindi ko rin maintindihan yung pambayad utang comments. My oldest asked what it meant and when I tried to explain sabi niya “That’s just so silly and ridiculous.” I know kid. I know. Haha. Hayaan mo na sila. Some people just had to spew unnecessary comments to make small talk
Kasi yun rin gawain namin dito mula pa pagkanewborn. Lalo ngayon yikes ang dugyot na ni LO after maglaro the whole day!
Clue: isa ako sa nagcomment nung nag-ask ka ng recommendations sa Netflix after watching Broadchurch 
I guess some parents have this I-know-better-than-you attitide. As if 1 parenting style is the fairest of them all. 
my child crawls on our floor—on carpets, on the wooden floor itself, and even on the terrace (provided it’s warm enough). She also crawls on the grass.
Eh maliliit talaga mga Filipino babies in general as long as they follow their own curve on the growth chart. I think provider dependent din talaga. I BF’d all 3 kids until they didn’t want the boobies anymore, ranging from 9 months to shy of 3 yrs lol. And yes to potty training on their own accord, I never force mine either by certain age.