Let’s face it: whether or not they mean well, some people—be it random strangers, co-workers, relatives, or friends—just can’t keep their comments to themselves. Sometimes, these comments are downright funny. Other times, they will just leave you scratching your head or grinding your teeth.
Scene: Met up with acquaintances and one of them is a non-Asian (yes, I have to distinguish to give some context) grandmum. I was letting my 10 month old baby feed herself then (baby-led weaning).
Grandmum: “Oh. She’s eating with her hands.”
Me–> proudly beams
Grandmum: “Why is she eating with her hands? I suppose some cultures in the world eat with their hands because they don’t have fork and knives, but she should not eat with her hands.”
So for us, it took us 9 years to finally decide to have kids. A concept that is apparently completely foreign to my family, relatives, and some friends. In their minds, we were just having some troubles conceiving. Even after we tell them that we didn’t want kids, their minds were all made up.
My dad, yes my dad, out of concern, shared a story of how their church mate finally was able to conceive because the husband took vitamin supplements.
Sabi niya pa, mag “Tongkat Ali” daw ako para makatulong. Thanks for the vote of confidence Dad!
Dito, usually nakakaasar dito yung kahit summer na I get comments I don’t dress my kid enough.
Winter: Why isn’t your kid in more layers?
Me: Hindi ginawin si baby
Summer: Why isn’t your kid in pants? There are mosquitoes.
Me: Naiinitan si baby agad
Or sometimes it’s my MIL and her penchant for not consulting us about our son’s food, etc. We have been feeding our son like any Asian kid and when we’re in the US, for example my MIL tries to impose cereal and milk for breakfast without even asking us what he eats for breakfast.
Non-Asian friends naman with those moms na “In feed my kid all organic” eklavu na yan. I can see your kid asking my kid for his non organic snacks or the yummy homemade xiaolongbao my Ayi (yaya) made.
Eh kasi naman dito pag winter mukhang mga Michelin man yung mga bata sa sobrang dami ng layers lalo na if yung nag-alaga eh grandparents.
Isa ko pang rant lagi napagkakamalang kinder yung anak ko kasi he’s bigger than the average kid. Tipong: “Which kindgergarten is your son going to?” Or “Isn’t he supposed to be in school now?” Umm…he’s 2.
Meron din sa relatives bakit daw hindi pa agad nagsasalita agad yung anak ko when he was a year and a half. He’s bilingual and may be tri or multilingual later on. Like, tita, different kids, different development milestones. Or yung mga medyo sinophobic na bakit Mandarin yung alam nya? Hello, nasa China kami and his yaya is Chinese and halos lahat naka-interact namin Chinese. Ano gusto nyo? Korean?
Ah, yes, the unsolicited, ‘well-meaning’ advice how to parent your kid. Oddly enough, I mostly get them from my own family than my circle of friends.
Breastfeeding triggers lots of reaction, I don’t know why. There was a time when I shared a photo of me discreetly breastfeeding my 4 month old in social media. On a bench somewhere at Disneyland. The comments ensued, “Hindi ba masyado pang bata para ilabas yan sa crowded park. Hindi safe.” or “This is why I usually pump before we get out so it’s not too embarrassing when they get hungry.” So what I did was, nag-post pa ako ng mas maraming pics. Pinakamaraming comments yung tandem breastfeeding with my newborn and my then 2.5 year old
So mga taong hindi makapagpigil ng opinyon nila, I usually respond with:
Thank you/I appreciate it, but she’s fine.
On the contrary, that belief is considered outdated. According to our pediatrician/this research/current guidelines, recommendations say yada yada yada (As much as possible, if I can, I use it as teaching moment)
Pag alam kong moot point na makipagdiskusyon, I just smile and nod without further comments but carry on… usually parentals and in-laws to preserve the peace - we should create another thread for this one
Currently, this is what I hear almost every other day.
• “When are you having your next one?”
• “He definitely NEEDS a sibling.”
• “You make beautiful babies you SHOULD make more.” (Nambola pa)
We just had our little boy. We’re barely out of survival mode. I just got back to work. He is only 9 months old. I don’t even know if we want another one. I didn’t even think we’d be blessed to have this one. So. Stay the f away from me
(Sorry mega rant. Really appreciate this thread nakapag-vent tuloy ako)
Wala na akong maalala besides yung usual na, “Sundan nyo pa yan,” or “Pwede pa ang isa!” Although lately that’s more of an inside joke we have with our relatives kasi we all know na quota na kami lahat. Hahaha.
The rest, I forgot because I tuned them out na. Dati super annoyed namin kapag nakakarinig kami ng mga unsolicited advice. Ngayon we learned to tune comments like that out automatically. Kaya either hindi namin sinasagot or tipong generic reply na lang kami.
As a result also, I have no opinions (except in extreme situations) about how other people parent their kids. It’s none of your business how I raise mine, and it’s none of my business how you raise yours.
People also used to ask us “when are you having your next one.” I would reply, “Wait lang. Mamaya pagkatapos ko kumain” (with a bored face). And so they don’t ask anymore.
@calvinlucas “the cold never bothered him anyway” and then sabay hair flip. (Walang emoticon for that so nalang )
On-topic:
“May balat ba sa mukha anak mo?” and “Kinakahiya mo ba itsura ng anak mo?” — because I don’t post photos showing my child’s face on social media
“Huy kawawa naman yung bata nilagay mo sa box. Wala ka bang pambili ng laruan? Dapat may laruan yan!” — because I once posted a picture in social media of my baby (no face per usual) playing with her diaper box.
Ayy this is why I dont post a video/pic of my LO playing with the boxes where his gift toys came from I thought it was hilarious! Right now he is more fascinated by the box/packaging than the contents. I did post a video of him enjoying a ride in a hamper pulled by a dog leash … wala pa syang wagon nun
Seriously, I don’t get buying expensive toys for little kids. Nung maliit kami mga empty bottles and containers ng alcohol/johnson’s baby powder o lata ng gatas mga laruan namin. We had so much fun pa din so I dont really care for spending a ton on toys --or baby clothes for that matter. But also, because he receives so many from family and friends kaya ayoko na gumastos haha!
Also maybe not something that people say but rather what people would do and this only applies to pinoys/pinays. Yung pagkuha ng photo or video of my kid without asking for permission and then posting on social media also without asking for permission… tas itatag pa ako.
I also dont like when i send them pics of my son via private message then they forward to others not in my circle. tsk.
Kanina ko pa nabasa mga responses pero pinagisipan ko muna kung sasagot ako too many to mention kase.
So even before I had a kid, pag nasasabi ko I want one even when I’m not married and lagi kong naririnig ay “kawawa naman magiging anak mo”. Sa dami ng kids na lumaki na from divorced/separated parents, adopted, mga ulilang lubos or from solo parents, lahat ba sila kawawa talaga? I don’t get it.
Now naman whenever I would bring my kiddo to trips, “bakit ka gagastos di naman nya maalala yan?”
Or when I buy her stuff na medyo expensive, “magiging spoiled yang anak mo!”
Tapos nung finally nakapili na ako ng big school for my little girl, “bakit Catholic school? Dapat progressive or montessori nalang”.
Internal eye roll nalang ako. Pag close family or friend I explain my side as mom but pg di naman importante sa buhay ko, deadma na
Blockquote “Huy kawawa naman yung bata nilagay mo sa box. Wala ka bang pambili ng laruan? Dapat may laruan yan!” — because I once posted a picture in social media of my baby (no face per usual) playing with her diaper box.
I posted some videos na ganyan na naglalaro ng box ng diapers or deliveries anak ko. Eh sa yun trip niya eh.
Another pa yang: “Sundan nyo na agad baka nabobore na siya”. Tipong alam nyo ba yung pinagdaanan namin para lang maka conceive? I’m happy enjoying one na I’m not yet wanting another. I just answer na lang para tumigil mga relatives na ganyan: “Pag nasundan padala ko sayo ikaw mag-alaga ha”
We have 3 daughters so we also get comments like
“Dapat isa pa, para lalake naman.”
“Ay sayang, di bale mga apo ninyo lalake.”
“Kawawa naman mister mo.”
To which we usually respond, oh no, we are thrilled for having three girls (can we just stop with this misogynistic, ridiculous gender biases) o kaya, ay wala ng susunod, sarado na ang factory, uwian na. Sila kaya magpalaki ng 3 anak. Bwiset
On-topic:
3 colleagues, on separate instances: Parents are a burden to a team.
Hala sige. Single people lang dapat mag work. Pagmay anak na, exempted na dapat pero may generous dole-out dapat ha. Kasi without parents, e di walang magpropcoduce ng more humans na baka maging single din and hence maging part of the ideal workforce.
nalang )
I thought it was hilarious! Right now he is more fascinated by the box/packaging than the contents. I did post a video of him enjoying a ride in a hamper pulled by a dog leash … wala pa syang wagon nun 
Ganyan rin sagot ko, either “sige mamaya” or “bukas na bukas rin” sabay poker face. 
too many to mention kase.
Sa dami ng kids na lumaki na from divorced/separated parents, adopted, mga ulilang lubos or from solo parents, lahat ba sila kawawa talaga? I don’t get it.
na ako? 