When Grandparents Overstep their Boundaries

How do you respond in situations when grandparents overstep their boundaries with your own children? This can be anything from buying your kids too many gifts when asked not to, or letting them have unlimited screen time, feeding them whatever they feel like, or disciplining them in their own accord? This can be tricky when living in multi-generational household or if in a bind (single parent or if need to relocate temporarily for a job). Have you always put your foot down?


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My MIL lives in another city but we do go for a visit sometimes (3x a year?). Since our baby was born, she’d visit more often. We don’t invite her to stay with us so she stays with her parents (they’re in their 90s), who live quite near us.

Still, we are not free from her “advices” and practical attempts. Apparently, she tried to make my husband execute these advices but my husband didn’t do any. So when she visited us when our baby was 3 MONTHS old, she tried to give our baby a pacifier dipped in honey! HONEY! Buti nalang I was quick to react! Juice ko po! And then after that episode, maybe a couple of months thereafter, sinumbong nya ko sa own parents nya. And so my grandmother-in-law told me, with my MIL present, that babies should have something sweet in their pacifiers or else they’d reject them. And that if my baby cries, to dip a pacifier in wine so she would calm down and sleep. I was livid. I really had to tell ALL of my husband’s family these are all wrong and dangerous, citing sources even. And note that my baby doesn’t even take/use pacifiers!

After all their failed attempts at feeding our INFANT sugar and whatnots (I would really tell them no), they have stopped their attempts but would just say out loud “I could give you this but your mother won’t let you taste good things.” :box:

I could imagine that things would be way more stressful in multi-gen households!


OMG!! :shock: I’d freak out too! Ang tindi, may wine suggestion pa si lola! :smash:

There’s one incident wherein I caught a relative giving our youngest marshmallows at 8 months! :angry: Not as bad since he’s our second child na (haha) and already eating solids anyway, but we weren’t planning on giving him sweets til 1yo :twak:

I am thankful that no overstepping has occurred from both sets of grandparents. :phew:


My MIL always loved to buy so many things, especially toys for my son, it’s bordering on hoarder levels, but I just think of it as a by-product of hyperconsumerism.

Last time we were in the US for a vacay last year, she bought big ass toys my son was playing in their house. When it was time for us to pack, we had to gently tell her NO, we are not bringing all the toys from grandma. My husband prefers to travel light as well so he laid the law on her too. Every time she calls us, she always tells us what to buy for our son or if we have bought this or that for our son and we just keep telling her we don’t. Para kasing solution nya lagi is to buy something.

Another MIL story naman is her trying to feed my son on her own. I told her and showed her my son’s meal boxes hubby and I prepared for the day and when we left to go to work, she never followed anything until she called my husband complaining our kid won’t eat what she served. We asked her what she fed him, it was cereal/oats with fruits. Natawa kami ni hubby kasi it’s almost like our son took care of the meddling of his food kasi my MIL sent us photos of our son throwing the food all over his high chair. We did have to remind her to feed him as we instructed. She didn’t try to meddle again with his feeding. I know my MIL means well but bless her heart. We still teach her a lot of things about raising in a multicultural environment. I’m lucky my FIL is a cool person naman and doesn’t meddle.


I’m lucky my parents and my in-laws do not live near us, though in fairness hindi naman talaga sila masiyado nakikialam sa amin.:biglaugh: On the other hand, dahil hindi nga sila malapit sa amin at namimiss nila ang mga apo often (hubby’s parents are in Bicol, mine are in Pasig, we live in far, far Fairview), they would always post photos of our young kids on Facebook tapos minsan super proud, nakapublic pa talaga ang setting. We talked to them about our wishes but we also understand where they’re coming from so we had to let go na rin on the posting of our kids’ photos but compromise was for friends only, not public.

Sila rin ang reason why I cannot leave Facebook permanently. I wanted to deactivate my account some years back kaso doon sila nag-aabang ng photos ng kids so I had to keep my account.:sweat:


Me too! My in-laws love sharing our son’s photos lalo na my MIL ko so we have to tell them to minimize sharing the photos naman.

Isa pang medyo inis ako is my husband always would default to his mom for parenting advice. Dude, only child ka lang. That’s not a lot to draw from. I have to explain we can ask both sides of the fam- his parents, my aunts, uncles, cousins, yayas , and other close friends on parenting advice and tips tapos we form a good conclusion based on our data how to apply to our kid.


My MIL is very generous. To a fault. Kahit pamilyado na mga anak nya, gusto nya sya pa din ang provider at dependent pa din sa kanya. Gusto nya sa bahay nya nakatira :uhoh:. Eh hindi ako sanay at kumportable sa ganon, so sa 4 kids nya, kami lang ang nakahiwalay.

Since hindi nya madalas makita anak ko, feeling ko minsan nag oovercompensate sya. May time noon biglang sinabi na nagpareserve na sya ng birthday party for my son. Hala sya. I told my husband that we don’t want a party at kung meron man, ako ang didiskarte. so she cancelled. pero parang nabadtrip sakin. :lol:

Ang pinakamalupit, yung nagbook sya ng flight/trip namin to Japan without telling us prior! While I really appreciate it, e it does not really sit well with me. Medyo naipit asawa ko don. Pero since hindi na updated passport nya, yun na lang ang ginawa nya excuse. So nirebook, pero atleast tinanong muna kami ng sched, at ininvolve na kami (at we agreed na kami ang magbabayad ng iba).

Ewan ko, minsan i feel bad refusing kasi parang she means well naman talaga. Pero feeling ko kasi if I just go along with it (libre na nga ayaw pa), feeling ko magiging excuse to manipulate us. Or ako lang din siguro ganyan mag isip (kasi the other inlaws are perfectly happy free loading) haha


I’m lucky that both my MIL and mom don’t give us too much problems sa ganyan. I did have to tell my mom off one time for something minor, tapos hindi na nya inulit. I think they both understand enough to respect the decisions we do sa parenting ng mga anak namin. They do spoil them though, kaya binibiro ko na lang parati yung nanay ko na, “Who are you and what have you done with my mother?” kasi SOBRANG higpit nya sa amin nung bata pa kami. Hahaha. Hanggang ngayon in denial pa sya na doting grandmother sya.


Kapag nag-uusap kaming mag-asawa nakakatawa lang kasi pareho yung experience namin nung bata kami, feeling namin laging galit/higpit ang parents at sinisigawan lagi kami about petty stuff. Tapos ngayon sila pa yung pasaway pagdating sa mga apo :lol:

Siguro na-rerealize din naman yung wala sila sa ayos dati haha. At saka pag grandparents na, feeling ko lang, hindi na ganung ka-stressful, usually retired na, not so much worried about finances, at mas mahaba na ang pasensiya.