Usapang Third Party

Minsan ba sa buhay mo, na-experience mo ang maging 2nd priority dahil hinde ikaw ang legitimate na jowa? Bawal ang judgemental. This is your free space. You are welcome to air your thoughts if you need to whine or vent out your repressed emotions.

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Ethical non-monogamy is the answer!

(More after I’ve had my coffee…)

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Never pero my first ex ghosted me due to a third party. Ang saklap pero a year after nagparamdam siya at gusto na daw niya ako balikan. Neknek niya.

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Oo. Kailangan maintindihin ka and no expectations. Parang laging live at the moment ka, d makakapagplano kasi anytime pwede sya magyaya magkita. Bawal may pattern eh. Hehe. Ilang buwan din kami, gulo lang kasi possessive nya saken kahit d kami exclusive. Ang daya lang niya, sya may jowa ako bawal.

I do. It was short-lived. We came into our senses and decided not to continue anymore. I was the third party, btw. kasal na siya and may family. Inaanak ko anak nila.

We both decided to cut it short kasi hindi na rin namin maatim. Haha hanggang ngayon i still carry the guilt kahit hindi nalaman ng asawa nya. Totoo yung parang wala akong mukhang maiharap sa kanya and sa inaanak ko. Pero nangyari na ang nangyari. water under bridge.

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Ang daming stigma sa third-party, dahil monogamy ang “gold standard”. I personally reject the proposition that monogamy is the only right way to love. For me, ethical non-monogamy is a decent option. It is also a relationship modality that respects the bodily and emotional autonomy of partners.

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I was seeing this guy, whose partner just gave birth. Things were okay. Precautions were being taken (I don’t contact him when he texts “gate”). E nahuli. An unknown number was calling me. Walang nagsasalita. Just the sound of a baby crying, for a good 2 minutes. Then I ended the call. A message comes from the same number: “pukpuk”.

I was also seeing other people. He was the one who ended it because “sinisira” ko daw kami (dafuq??!).

The last time we saw each other, he tells me this:

“Kahit kulungan ang bahay ng manok, doon pa rin siya uuwi.”

Acheche!

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It wasn’t exactly third party for me kasi alam ko from the start na the person I was with was polyamorous. She had an ongoing relationship with another girl and with me bale. May weird relationship din sila ng isa sa mga ex niya na good friend ko naman din. I really hated the way everything made me feel. I guess I’m really not made for that kind of “complicated” relationship. Pero I tried, pinalampas ko. Nilunok ko ang hindi ko kayang lunukin kasi mahal ko, e. :embarasslaff: But, what made things really weird was itong si ex, sobrang selosa! Polyamorous daw siya pero ayaw naman niya na may crush akong iba (oo, kahit crush lang!), naloka ako! Haha! But, things started to fall apart when she started lying. Mas ‘yun pala ang hindi ko kaya. ‘Yung pagsinungalingan ako. :shrug:

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I want to experience having an X-deal and being the 3rd party. Idk, maybe because I got cheated on and I am curious about the feeling. Feel ko sa X-deal, siguro mga 1-3 times na hookup, done na ako. Kung maging 3rd party ako, gusto ko maexperience yung magbreak sila because of me. Bad, I know… Pero let’s just say na wishful thinking lang.

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I got cheated on without the third party knowing it. So wala na kami nung guy then this girl contacts me on FB about stuff I left and where to send it or if I can meet her to get the stuff. The girl introduced as a fiancée. Akala tenant ako noon sa house ni guy. Ang sabi ko NO NO NO and explained. I even told the girl, either mail it to my address in the US or ship it overseas kasi the time she sent me messages eh naglalagalag ako with the hubby (bf ko pa that time) in Europe. Shock si girl.

She didn’t message me again for a time. She contacted me again wala na sila. She said totoo lahat ng sinabi ko and she apologized. Sabi ko naman the guy lied to you why do you need to apologize. You didn’t know na ex ko yung ex mo until you asked me about my things believing the lie na I was a tenant in his house. We did have more ranting/bashing sessions about the guy, very cathartic, tawa na lang kami sa katangahan namin. Friends kami since I got married and may promise kami we will meet once I’m back in the US.

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In another lifetime, I once took a speaking engagement just to be able to spend time with my partner. Her place was an eight hour drive away from Manila, but an hour or so away from the hospital where I was to speak.

I was on cloud nine for most of that drive, which was spent listening to hours of Modern Love from the New York Times. I got to her place around two in the morning. I fell asleep by her side, head over heels and blissfully in love. I tried not to wake her; she was going to ride waves and she needed the rest.

The sun was rising when I came to; she was sitting by my side, hands on my hips.

“Kiko, are you awake? We need to talk.”

I will always remember the light on her face and the tone of her voice.

“I’m pregnant. You’re not the father.”

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Ang weird I-:heart:, pero 'nyeta mehn

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She tried to justify coming out and telling me of her infidelity only when her pregnancy test confirmed as much. “At least I told you to your face,” she said. As if that makes shit better. Oddly, I didn’t break down and cry right there and then. It was a rather slow burn. The problem with slow burns is that they take forever to extinguish.

She said she got knocked up when she met with an ex in BGC. To be fair, she did tell me about the meeting, saying that she wanted to talk to him to explore how he can help her find more work. We didn’t sleep with each other that month; she said she wasn’t in the mood.

“I don’t want you thinking I’m having sex with an ex every time I meet up with one.”

Later, I told her I expected as much entering into the relationship, seeing as her dating past was a bit checkered. “Ang baba naman ng tingin mo sa akin,” she said with not a small amount of pain.

“I mean, look at where we are.”

She had an intentional miscarriage two months in. The doubt persisted for much longer than that. “I’m getting rid of the baby, Kiko. Tangina ka, ano bang problema mo?”

Ako pa yung mali.

I should have broken up with her at that time, but I don’t give up that easily on a relationship. We spent a weekend in Balesin, and were well on our way to healing (or so I believed) when she fell for someone else after her grandmother died.

She got engaged to him less than two weeks after we broke up.

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Maaaaaaaaaan. Lika dito iinom natin yan. like wtf maaaaan???

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'Yong pag-:heart: ko ay for sympathy.

Again, people should really be cool enough to put ethical non-monogamy as a relationship option. It’s not entirely infallible, sure, but it may save people from unnecessary amounts of bullshitry.

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Grabe @lastboyonearth :drinking:

Sa mga posts mo, di naman isang girl lang lahat ng iyon di ba?

OnT: it’s never a good idea, kahit ano pa rationalization

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@jide: Siya yung Ghost tsaka yung ex na nasa Letters to Your Ex thread. Isang tao lang yan.

Yung iba kong ex nakakausap ko, so hindi na kailangang maging immortal sa kwento. Bukod tangi lang naman siya na ang galing lang ng story, tapos cut communication pa. Marami pa yang mga holy shit moments.

Stand-up routine na yan, malapit na.

OnT: It’s a choice whether you take someone back after an affair, but you’re no longer the same people. She said the guilt ate at her, but it’s not like she could share that with me. It would’ve been nice if she did.

@LaEmanciputa: We started out as ethical non-monogamy. I sort of outlasted all the other guys. I really didn’t expect her to be faithful, and for her to lie about it. It’s just that I hoped she’d not be as big a hypocrite as I expected her to be.

Grabe lang yung galit niya if you lie to her, though. Early on, she pointed out whataboutism was something only she could employ.

Tangina. Thank you, next.

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Aga aga kuya @lastboyonearth gusto ko manapak. Lol

OnT:
I was in a dark place in 2018. I asked for space coz I was trying to understand what’s going on with me. I tried to go on dates with other people pero shet, di ako na guilty. Pero di rin ako kinilig. The guys i saw knew i was still sort of in a relationship though. They were pretty game as being semi side guys, ewan kung bakit. Lol. Parang mas excited pa sila kesa sa akin. So semi 3rd Parties sila i guess? Lol. But anyway. I sank further in depression so I stopped all na rin. My take away is ok naman ang open relationship (para walang 3P) but dapat on the same page kayo.

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This may get dark real quick. But the TS did say in top that this a free space so here goes:

Maybe people like the idea of being a 3rd party because they like the idea of helping another person get out of a bad relationship. Along these lines, maybe they want to seek revenge not only in behalf of the wronged person, but also for giving their gender a bad name.

White knight shit? For me, not really. It’s more a matter of satisfaction than altruism.

Also, this setup allows one to look around while dating someone. I don’t buy the shit wherein “sya pwede ako hindi”.

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Di baaaa??! Whatever happened to emotional and sexual autonomy?

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