In every college drinking group, there’s always a certain person who always gets laughed at no matter what he/she does. The next time you find yourself drinking with your buddies, you better make sure you spot this person.
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Filipino college students get maximum value for their money. Proof of this can be seen when they congregate in your local Wendy’s Salad Bar. They’re seen constructing layers upon layers of salad toppings to form a mountainous salad masterpiece that’s over five inches high. FIVE INCHES! Have we no shame? Well… probably not. Dig in.
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Procrastination is a science learned in college. In high school, you’re given a week or two to finish a project. You spend your free time molding and scrutinizing it to perfection. In college, you spend your free time partying. Then a few hours before the deadline, you work your butt off like there’s no tomorrow. Procrastination, my friends, teaches us the value of pressure and determination.
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The pretty girl-ugly-guy-with-nice car combo is swiftly becoming the modicum of this day and age. Can’t they see what they’re doing to our society?! If this continues, the next generation of Filipinos will look like half-bred monkeys on steroids. They’ll be rich but they’ll still be monkeys! For the good of the country this trend must stop. Well, either that or I get a nice car.
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No matter what country you’re in, the official college meal is instant noodles. Both cheapskates and trigger-happy spenders indulge this treat since it’s the cheapest to buy and the easiest to make. Whether they’re studying, procrastinating, getting drunk, getting sober, ranting or bitching, college students will always grab a bowl of insta-noodles and slurp away. Unless they’re at Wendy’s piling their salads.
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You guys notice the sudden splurge of med students in your local Starbucks? Do they actually study those thick-ass books or do they congregate for freebies on the condiments section? F*cking copycats.
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Speaking of Starbucks, the one in Glorietta 4 is probably the most popular. Everybody wants to stay by the outdoor patio and chill. Now and then, a group of people enter the glass doors and there’s always this ‘hey, she’s pretty cute. Wonder if she’s still single?’ thought that flashes through my head. This hope is sourly dashed when a pathetic excuse of a human face appears right beside her and pecks her on the cheek. Damn monkeys! Should’ve just stayed home slurping noodles, damn it.
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It took me awhile to figure out but… apparently, there are people in this world who really, really like math and that their inclination to study the subject has nothing whatsoever to do with kissing ass and being put in the dean’s list. I will never understand these people. They love numbers more than words. They probably don’t even procrastinate. What’s up with that?!
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Ever been depressed and sad beyond reckoning? Hurt because your significant other left you and you can’t bear to live without him/her? I’ve formulated a theory to explain this unbearable state of depression and melancholy. You’re not frustrated because you’re alone. That’s hardly the case. Usually, you’re just miserable because other people have it better than you… and this thought just kills you (rephrasing of Jack’s line in As Good As It Gets.) So the next time you’re feeling alone, just look for somebody more miserable and this will make you feel much better.
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One of my friends back in college was a f*cking retard. He’d spend the entire day playing computer games in an internet cafe. Anyway, I dropped by one time and told him a joke. The bastard ignored me but it was all right since I didn’t like him anyway. The next day I came back and as soon as I got there, he started laughing… at the joke I made the day before. Talk about being slow.
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The college mantra chanted the morning after a drinking-binge (when you’re hung over and your parents are evicting you from the premises) is: “I swear I won’t drink ever again!” Ever again means till next Thursday.
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College was a blur to me. I hardly went to school and when I did happen to visit, I fell asleep listening. It’s a good thing there were instant noodles, Starbucks, and retarded friends to remind me of it. Not to mention the mornings spent complaining of drinking too much or the nights spent procrastinating because of having more important matters to see to. Like drinking too much. God bless the parents who send us to this institution for higher learning.