Opinion: How NOT to Court a Girl

What guy can honestly say that he’s not looking for somebody to love? I was talking to a male friend, who, at 23, happens to be single since birth, about finding and winning over that ideal person. He’s still looking, but we did get around to conversing about how guys should go about courting the girl once she comes along. Here are some of the advice I dished out.

  1. First thing first. Never ask the girl if it is OK for you to court her . Just go ahead and do it. If she said yes, she might feel “pressured” to eventually agree to having relationship with you only because you’d already have invested time and money on her, when she had the choice in the beginning to reject you. If she said no, you’d be left thinking this is a mean person who did not even give you a chance. Allow her the space to make up her mind along the way. (Another way of seeing it is that you are NOT allowing her the privilege to reject you outright).

  2. Don’t be a puzzle . State your intentions. Guessing motives is stressful for the girl, more so if she is not in the habit of assuming intentions. The moment you decide to court her, express in explicit, unambiguous terms what you are doing. Wanting to get to know her better is always a good reason. Be honest. Girls are most often impressed by guys who open their hearts. This little show of vulnerability is a sign of emotional maturity. If you’re serious (should be!), this will not be a big deal.

  3. Don’t be a fake . Of course you want to impress the girl, but don’t do it to the extent of re-packaging your character to fit her taste. Save yourself the hassle of constantly being on the watch for your behavior, words and actions. If your personality is too much too take within the first few days, you might want to introduce your idiosyncrasies little by little. Be human. This is already a declaration that you are not afraid to show your true self, and allows her to do the same.

  4. Don’t bribe . Give gifts in moderation. Flowers on the first dinner, chocolate the following week are ok but everyday material reminder can be suffocating. The same deal for time. She had a life before you came along. Asking her to see you everyday may be too much too handle.

  5. Don’t say “I love you” too early . Few people believe in love at first sight nowadays and you’d sure be subjected to a lot of “whys and “hows” if you profess love too early. “How can you be sure it’s love when you don’t know me well?” The situation will be frustrating if you can’t make her accept you answers.

  6. Do not expect a happy ending . Your intention was to get to know her better and knowing more may actually cause you to rethink why you liked her in the first place. Life is not a fairy tale and people can turn out very different from our first impressions of them. If you were sincere and honest, then you’d have gained a friend if she can’t be your girlfriend.

Being in love is the best feeling in the world. It makes you discover what you are capable of doing, what you are willing to give up, how far your patience can stretch and how happy you can be. There’s mind-blowing sense of security in knowing that someone out there cares for you, thinks of you before she sleeps at night, and is including you in her plans for the future.

If after following the steps above my friend finds himself in a relationship, then I have one more advise for him: Never end the courting…

It’s the 21st century, roles are reversible.


This did not age well.