Ohhh that’s a nice perspective.
Baliktad sakin kasi when i dont find it cute na at legit na naiirita na ako, it means hindi na enough yung love ko dun sa tao to get past those quirks. Lol.
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That probably explains my last relationship. LEL
That time comes in every relationship, if only for the fact that you’re two different people. Then the relationship either evolves into a higher state of being, or it collapses. Either way, still a personal choice, because it’s always a choice.
I ended one relationship when I didn’t like who I was (and the person I was turning into) when I was with her. The other relationship… I should’ve gotten a clue when she got knocked up by someone else.
@lastboyonearth what then is your consideration in staying in a relationship?
Making your partner happy but losing yourself or staying true to yourself but not making your partner happy? Im working on your premise na love is outward. Just wanna know how exactly that works.
This took some time, as it should.
I stay with someone because I know deep inside, this is someone with whom I want to spend the rest of my life. As a former lover put it, that person is my ananda - the person without which life loses its meaning. As that meaning - it should make me want to grow and be better. It should make me want to take steps to be with my partner, to build a life together.
There was a time when I stayed only because I didn’t want to fail at being in a relationship, and I thought staying is just what you did. Twenty years, I did that. I left when I didn’t like the person I was turning into. One whole year of “Kung may pera lang ako iniwanan na kita,” can end a marriage beyond the point of me wanting to save anything of it.
Love is outward. Always is.
When I gave everything of myself, it’s not because I feel like I had to, but because I wanted to. When I woke up in the morning, I committed to my partner over and over again. Giving and sharing of myself made me happy in and of itself. Anything else was a bonus. That came from faith - not the religious sense, mind - but a belief in the indivisibility and omnipotence of the idea of an “us”. So when I ended my marriage, it wasn’t because I was in love with someone else, it was because I didn’t believe in “us” anymore.
I found that I wasn’t giving because I wanted to, but because I had to. I was a character in a nice story you tell the guests at the party: met in high school, been inseparable after. She wasn’t my partner anymore, just some person I had to live with because it was cheaper. I knew who I was the entire time, and it wasn’t that I was losing myself. I knew that just living with that person was turning me into someone I didn’t particularly like.
You could say that it was really up to me. What happens if I stop putting effort into this? Could I keep on giving, even when that love wasn’t reciprocated?
I came to figure that my answer wasn’t based on whether loving hurts, but whether the giving of myself still had any meaning. When I stopped talking to a former lover after she left me, it was because whatever I gave no longer had meaning. That’s another story, though. 
I hope that made some sense.
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It’s too much to take. Haha but i like it how you put it “whether the giving of myself still had any meaning”. Looks like a good starting point.
But for purposes of discussion, who sets meaning to your giving? Is there any criteria what is meaningful and what is not? Am i making any sense. Haha
I really appreciate this discussion. 
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I had a feeling you’d ask that. HAHAHA na-edit out yan.
The meaning comes from me, because it’s my faith in the idea of an “us”. You know how after a breakup, you’re the only one with all the answers anyway? Same thing, I suppose.
How much faith do you have in the idea of an “us”? The word choice is precise. Faith, not belief. Faith doesn’t require proof, just a belief. I don’t like the idea that it’s a covenant, because that just opens the door to abuse.
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It’s really too much. Hahah
I think, you better set a TedTalk after this quarantine. Pupunta ako. Haha
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HAHAHAHAHA my exes will disagree.
Tinamaan ako sa i stayed only because i didnt want to fail at being in a relationship.
I prolonged the agony on the latest breakup because everyone around me thought we were perfect for each other. Everyone were gushing how we had a nice lil family setup going on. Yes, he meshed well with the kiddo - i can’t take that away from him. You ask my kid what his dad’s name is and she’ll immediately blurt out his name, unless you specify that you’re asking about her bio dad.
But. I was dying. I wasnt growing. Like how come everyone is happy except me? I didnt know who i was anymore. And the hardest part - i was suffering in silence. I had to put on a strong happy face - because that’s how people see me - a strong, independent woman. But Ive thought of ending my life just to get away from it all.
There is a picture i always try to imagine for my future - im having breakfast, by the patio, at the countryside, discussing current events with my SO. But the SO in the picture didnt have a face anymore. No matter how much i tried, i just can’t see him in my future anymore.
Then it hit me. I have to choose myself. I have to choose my own happiness. I can’t go on loving someone if i am slowly dying inside.
So now, i feel nothing, and that’s a good start. I dunno when I’ll start crying about all this mess, but right now, my mind is blank, no bad thoughts, i feel nothing for the first time, and for that, I am relieved.
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You’re probably not going to cry about it, because you’ve done all your crying already. Something tells me your relationship died long before you got to admit it. From experience, perhaps?
There’s a story out there, that talks about married people laughing at the world, because that’s what married people do. I forget where I read it, though. If there’s anything that I miss in a relationship it’s that: those quiet moments, locked in a pretzel, talking about doing nothing.
Society places all these institutions around us to force us into staying in a relationship that’s gone wrong. So glad you were able to find yourself again.
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Pag ganito alam ko na nagsasawa na ako.
Proud of you Nins for being honest about what you feel even if it means crushing someone else 
@constipated_jerk: Hmmn. I somewhat agree with you. Being on ECQ can make you overthink - something that kills all the kilig etc. I would personally like to eliminate the ECQ, then if talagang malamig siya, it is done. Ang hirap magend ng isang bagay na di mo binigyan ng chance magsurvive.
Like nagtataka ka bakit namatay yung plant e ikinulong mo siya sa attic.
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I spoke [more like chat] with him again after 1 week. After ko sabihin na matutulog na ako, saka ako parang tanga umiyak. Hay. Di ko alam kung bakit, bigla na lang tumulo luha ko tapos hagulgol. Yuck ampangit. Haha. Para ako’ng baliw.
@constipated_jerk ano, nakapagnilay nilay ka na rin ba?
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@ninibeLLes 
tbh, nagdecide ako na wag na muna i-entertain yung idea of calling it quits. Naisip ko baka lang drama ko lang yung nanlalamig sya kasi nga lockdown. After this, (hopefully everything goes back to almost normal) dun ako makakapagprocess “intelligently”, taking into consideration all inputs here!
In the meantime, status quo. My gameplay: quid pro quo—a cold response will get a cold response; kung sweet, edi magpakasweet din. Ganun na lang muna. Pero nobody’s calling it quits, unless siya mauna 
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Tama yan. Wag padalos dalos ng desisyon. Pero mahirap ata yung coldness answered with coldness lang din. Let the person be. Ikaw, let yourself be but no expectations lang na everything you do will be reciprocated. I think people are always led to the idea that everything should be reciprocated in a relationship when it’s also about adjustments. Ewan ko. Haha.
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I realized na fights are avoided kapag hindi mo siya papatulan. If she’s cold be hot (wag naman OA hot na tanga ka na). Let her be. Give it all you got. When everything falls apart, you’ll be happy to say you did your best in all aspect 
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@cloud_pillow salamat sa paalala na ito. Tama! All out na kung all out! Regardless. Pero, aminin ko masakit ang hindi mareciprocate. Mas masakit malaman na ako na lang pala ang kumakapit.
Pero until hindi pa yun proven, sige, tama ka. All out na. Para walang sisihan.
Ang labo ko.
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Oo masakit yan, sa kahit anong aspeto na pagbibigay ng all out. Basta wag lang kalimutang mahalin ang sarili. Give love out of love not out of expectations. Wow. San ko pinulot yun. 
Pero yun, nourish yourself para di mo hinahanap sa kanya yun. Yoko na. Ang cheesy. Haha
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Agree with waiting it out. Di ko sure kung nasagot na pero pag nagvivideo call ba kayo, anong gestures niya?
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Oh no. 2 months sawa na agad sa mukha mo. Oy joke! Keep yourself busy na muna. The idle mind will generate all sorts of things.
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