Ingenue: I'd Rather Die a Virgin

To have sex or not to have sex? That seems to be the question plaguing the current generation of freedom-loving sex-crazed youth. So what is it about the three-letter word that seems to send different reactions from different generations? Our lola s and lolo s would probably think it’s a taboo to even talk about it, yet they too engaged in such act. Our parents, who probably belong to the hippies-Haight-Ashbury-flower-child era, would either be open to the topic of sex or would be so ashamed of their free sex free weed society that they act like stiff necks when the subject of sex comes lurking. I am one of the very few who are blessed with parents liberal enough to talk about sex with their kids.

The summer before my first year in college, my parents gave me this speech about the birds and the bees, which, by the way, I already knew about. But then my mother said something like, everyone would eventually be faced with the question whether to have sex or not. She didn’t tell me directly not to do it but she said something to that effect. Something like, you only have one life so don’t screw it or something like, you’re really going to break our hearts if you do it, but hey this is your life and you’re free to decide. However they have said it, I couldn’t remember clearly, but they managed to get the message through anyway. What I liked about what my mother said is the fact that this is my life and that I’m free to decide. No one, not even my boyfriend, has the power to make me have sex.

I recently met a guy and somehow our conversation roamed to sex. He and his ex-girlfriend were sexually active in the course of their relationship. But then reality stuck and guilt moved in and they felt ashamed that they couldn’t even look each other eye to eye. They broke up after that. I told him he was a jerk. He agreed. He said she should’ve left him the first time he asked her to have sex with him. He said that he left her because he was repentant of what he did to her; that she deserves to be someone better than what he made her be. And that in a lot of ways he loves her and he knows that if he stays, he has no guarantee that they won’t do it again. He’s a very physical person. Again, I told him he was a jerk.

To be honest, I really couldn’t understand why unmarried couples have sex. But I do understand sex, theoretically that is. I know that sex propels you heights unexplainable. Another thing, sex could feel so good it is addicting, especially sex with the person you “love”. Some couples say they have sex because they love each other. I think that is pure crap. You could love someone without involving in sex and vice versa too. I loved someone once and we had so many opportunities to actually have sex. I’m talking about opportunities like alone in the house for the whole day and we could scream and shout as loud as we can. Yet nothing close to sex even happened. Maybe it helped that early on the relationship we already talked about how far we’re willing to go and we both decided on the boundaries of physical intimacy. We’re not together anymore. And it occurred to me, what if we had sex? I’d probably be depressed and I’d feel cheap. A walking non-virgin with no boyfriend. It would certainly hurt a lot to give yourself to someone only to find out that in the end, it won’t work out. I’m so thankful nothing like that happened to me.

So why stay a virgin? For one, sex outside marriage is a sin. Well for non-believers, this argument would not hold well. Looking at it in a secular perspective, it is healthier emotionally and physically to stay a virgin. Unlike most people, I wouldn’t place contracting HIV or STD in the argument. Most people do not have multiple sexual partners; rather they only have sexual relationship with their boyfriend or girlfriend. So the possibility of contracting those diseases is close to nil. Virginity is like the ace of spades in a relationship, you want to hold on to it for as long as possible because if you put it down early on the game, there’s nothing more to look forward to. And if, in the end, the relationship fails, at least you still have the ace. You can still hold your head up high.

Sex is better than weed. Therefore, it’s twice addicting. When you have tasted it once, it’s not easy putting it at the back of your mind. It’s habit-forming. You can actually stop doing it, but thoughts and visions of it would still linger in your mind.

I have to admit. I do not know much about actual sex. All my knowledge about it are from books, chikas and profane stories of one-night-stand escapades of my past roommate. But I do know that despite my parents being liberal, I will surely break their hearts if they find out. And I do know that on my wedding day I want to deserve the white dress that I’m wearing and the veil on my head.

I speak of this because I believe in this. And I will hold on to this for as long as my stubbornness to my principles could hold me. But I do not hold the future. I am after all, human. And I could stumble. But for now, I’d rather die a virgin.

The_Little_White_Rabbit is a virgin. All her insights about sex are mainly theoretical. She studied sex intensively in her Human Sexuality courses and after-dinner question-and-answer portions with her parents.

Trust The_Little_White_Rabbit. She knows what she’s saying.

The_Little_White_Rabbit is not in the habit of retracting her statements. If in the event that she needs to eat all the words she has written above, could her dear friend Angel whack her dead?