Inappropriate Advances & Unwanted Attention

Have you ever experienced inappropriate advances, any unwanted attention? Were you aware when it was happening to you, or maybe you only realized it later on in your life? Just like an insidious memory at the back of your mind. Have you ever assumed that the person giving you such attention was innocuous or just plain friendly? What made you realize there was something wrong in the kind of relationship you had with them?

I’ll begin:

When I was in Grade 6, I was given a PC and had access to the internet. This was back in the dial up era, uso ang YM, Yahoo Groups, Multiply, Friendster. Met a lot of strangers through YM chat groups and Yahoo Groups of bands I was a fan of. And then this guy randomly chats with me, a college senior from a Big Four university already working on his thesis. We exchanged ASL, a few pics, and he added me to the yahoo group of his band. He asked for my phone number and I freely gave it. He called me on the phone, asked for my pics, and complimented my looks – I was only 12. One time, I went to see his band play, it was a public space in Manila, and he gave me a copy of their EP… and a tall glass of vodka. He didn’t touch me or anything.

Several years passed, he became a friend on FB, but we didn’t keep in contact. Then one time he posted a sexually-charged joke which I found offensive, so I unfriended him. Then around 1 or 2 hours after I unfriended him, he sends me a PM asking why I did that. How did he even know I unfriended him unless he checks my profile regularly? That freaked me out, and made me realize how inappropriate his behavior was towards me when I was 12. Upon checking, he is now a professor.

2 Likes

Nakatrabaho ko naman. He was one of the next batch of trainees after us. At first, okay naman, was friendly and we had common friends.

Later on, he started stalking me in UP. Tipong biglang text siya naghihintay sya sa tabi ng car ko while my class was about to finish kind of thing.

The worse was during thesis defense, ka-kontsaba niya pa classmate ko to come and see me. Luckily late siya dumating at natapos na defense ko but during the break, imbes na sa main door ako lumakad, I pulled my thesis partner to get out through another door para lang to avoid this guy.

After thesis defense, I knew he would probably be waiting by the parking area, I called another friend to pick me up. I then reported him to my bosses when I went to work the next day. Iniba schedules namin and nung nakita niya I was starting to see someone else, tumigil na. Two years after, I left the country and as far as I know, the dude is in another country na rin.

2 Likes

I became close to a senior (citizen) guy after I joined a program he was an active volunteer for. Lagi kaming nagakakasalaubong kung saan-saan. Siempre, whenever we met, super hug ako sa kanya and all bilang hugger talaga ako at tatay na talaga ang tingin/turing ko sa kanya. May times na binibisita niya ako sa dorm. I didn’t really think much of it. If anything, nata-touch pa nga ako. Somehow nafi-feel ko na tuwing nagkikita kami at hinu-hug ko siya, pahigpit ng pahigpit siya mag-hug. Pero sige lang, inisip ko na baka natutuwa lang siya talaga sa akin or sa akin niya nailalabas ang pagka-miss niya sa mga anak niya na lahat nasa ibang bansa na.

One day, nag-uusap kami. Nagkuwento siya na marunong daw siya magbigay ng full body massage. So, he started massaging my shoulders para i-prove. Pinabayaan ko lang. Parang tatay ko na nga kasi. Tapos sinabi niya na gusto daw niya ako bigyan ng full body massage pero kailangan namin pumunta sa bahay niya kasi, siempre kapg full body massage, kailangan hubo’t hubad daw ako. Sabi ko, “Ai, ok lang po. Hindi po ako mahilig sa massage.”

Ok na sana, e. Kaso parang pinagpipilitan pa niya na magpunta nga raw ako sa bahay niya para nga sa massage. Masarap daw talaga at hindi ako magsisisi. I changed the topic. After ng day na ‘yun, tuwing nagkikita kami, lagi niyang tinatanong kailan ako pupunta sa house niya para sa masahe at, ito, lagi niya mini-mention na “pero kailangan hubo’t hubad.” It got really weird na for me so I started acting really cold towards him. Hindi ko na hina-hug. Pinaramdam ko talaga na nagbago ang pakikitungo ko sa kanya. Tapos iniwasan ko na rin siya. :disappointed:

1 Like

May nagtext sa akin na random number back in college. Inentertain ko since I was not giving out personal info naman and nakakaaliw namang kausap. Ang alam lang nya is I’m in college and taga UP ako. A few months later, I started getting texts na “classmates mo sila?” and “andami mo namang dala”. Di ko naman sya binigyan ng picture and di ko sinabi na Manila ang campus ko, so medyo scary na parang sinusundan nya ako. I asked a guy friend for “help” and for a few days we pretended na kami (holding hands, tambay after school). Nakakuha ako ng text asking kung boyfriend ko ba kasama ko. Nung sinabi kong “oo”, he stopped. Di na ako nag entertain ng “textmates” after that.

1 Like

Ito lang bigla kong naalala. I had a classmate in med school na sobrang feeling niya ang gwapo (at talino) niya. Nung first year kami, di naman kami masyadong close pero biglang babatiin nya ako “(my name)!” Tapos sabay hug sa akin. Hindi yung mabilis lang, pero lingering. That time hindi ko naman masyadong inisip yun. Pero as time passed narealize ko na parang very malicious. Kasi walang consent. Feeling niya he’s entitled to do that. He’s a smooth talker kasi, sobrang yabang pa. He makes videos now na feeling influencer at feeling gwapo pa rin. :laugh:

Meron din pala akong prof sa UP dati na nag one-on-one interview/exam sa akin sa faculty room. He didn’t touch me or anything. Pero tinanong niya kasi kung kailan birthday ko. Nung nalaman niya na Scorpio ang zodiac sign ko, parang biglang naging maniac-looking yung eyes niya. Eww! Buti na lang final meeting na namin yun at di ko na siya nakita after that. Mataas ang grade na binigay niya sa akin. Was it because of that incident? Hay, ayoko nang isipin.

1 Like

Yeah… this can be a problem. Especially with my nick di ba. Pero peyups is a safe place naman. I made good friends around here. :heart_eyes:

Ang issue… yun mga dating sites where you don’t know what you’re getting. Infer, fully clothed ang mga Tinder at Bumbl account ko. And yet, kung makaalay ng pictures at videos ng itlog yun mga nagp-PM… daig ko pa si Sta Clara sa dami. Nagtinda na lang sana ako ng leche flan at meringue di ba… :biglaugh:

I tried FB Dating. Nataon kasi summer… nag-upload ako ng may pa-cleavage na pic… Because among friends, kebs lang naman. Apparently meron palang I approved a FB Messenger long time ago thinking na baka may something in common kami kasi naka-mountaineering photos sa profile eh. So this 30 year old guy messaged me and tried video call… hindi na siya naka-move on sa … “Ang hot mo.” Medyo trap yan bikini pics na yan, gusto ko sabihin sa kanya :biglaugh:… just to know who makes the cut. Kung medyo bastos humirit eh di hindi ko na kinakausap. :joy: May part ng population na nasa iyo ang sisi “Because why do you post too sexy photos.” So kasalanan ko raw maging sexy at maganda (Hassle lang kasi in my 40s na ako. Hahahaha! Shet.) . Kaso 2020 na eh… bakit hanggang ngayon hindi pa rin evolved ang tanong ko pabalik sa mga lalaking ito. Pero ganon eh. Medyo bothersome pero you just choose who to make friends with. :thinking:

3 Likes

Nakakatakot nga ‘yan! Sarap i-report sa NBI kung di lang hassle ang proseso.

Andaming stalkers. Nakakagalit :angry:

Truth nga! Pero ang experience ko dati sa Tinder, may isa lang akong binigyan ng number ko, kasi matino naman kausap at nagja-jive naman yung mga interests namin. Pero nung nag-video call kami sa Skype, habang nagkukwentuhan, bigla na lang siya nag-masturbate :face_with_raised_eyebrow:

1 Like

Awww… may ganyan din ako. :headshake: Okay lang kausap sa Tinder, ang smart ng usapan tapos asked for my number so biglang Viber na. Recent lang, mga 1-2 months ago before quarantine. Smart pa man din siya, American, taga-NYC. He’s in the Philippines as a consultant. Guy in his 30s again. Hindi siya makapaghintay. Kung makapag-alay ng itlog, parang ako si Sta. Clara. Again. :biglaugh:

Sabi ko na lang, thank you but this is not the kind of interaction that I’m looking for this early.
Nasa getting to know pa lang nga eh. :upside_down_face:

(He tried 3 times. A for effort si kuyah, di ba. Pero hindi talaga eh. May process lang on how I end up liking guys and dating them. Ganon na lang and hindi siya pumasa. )

1 Like

Yup. I experienced that with somebody na gwapong gwapo sa sarili at feeling nila they can do those advances kasi pogi sila. He kissed me on the lips without my permission. As in biglang halik na hinde mo inexpect. Hinde ako natuwa. Nainis ako tpos hinde na siya nagpakita kinabukasan.

Yung prof naman, I also experienced taking a final exam na solo sa prof kasi hindi ako Naka attend ng finals. Pero I didn’t feel anything malicious or what so maybe magkaibang prof naman pinaguusapan natin ano?

Isang matandang prof sa UP dati na gusto solo solo sa office nya. :smash:

Isang tatay ng kababata na nanghihipo ng bagets (pubescent, adolescent girls)

Doctor na gusto tanggalin ang pang itaas kahit nag checheck lang ng lungs at heartbeat

Guys sa bar who kept pushing against your behind or front, and kept trying to hold your hand or kiss you

Rando on the street who kept shouting “I love yous” and making slurping sounds at you

Pervs on the bus or jeep or at the cinema who are either showing off their junk or masturbating beside you

And the list goes on…

@Marikitpikit, hindi siguro tayo same prof. Kasi mukhang hindi naman planned yung pag one-on-one exam mo sa kanya dahil ikaw ang nakamiss ng finals. Yung sa amin, scheduled talaga all students in his class had to go to him one by one. Hindi ko alam kung may gumagawa pa nito ngayon. Is this still allowed?

Oh, to be a woman. :disappointed:

^true. Nangyari sa akin lahat yan. May dagdag pa ako:

When a drunk colleague tried to kiss you.

We all have that uncle…