We all have that ‘bad experience’. Mapa-love life, disaster, failure, at iba pang karanasan sa buhay. Paano ka bumabangon at bumabawi sa lahat ng pasakit? How did that experience changed you? Sabi nga, we learn from our own and other people’s experience. Care to share?
In my case, I’m still in the process of figuring things out. Trying to let things be as I don’t know how they will turn out. Pakiramdam ko na di pa ako fully nakaka-bounce back. Two years na since the series of bad experiences. Iniisip ko, I should change perspective that what I went through were not really bad and simply treat them as experiences. Pero di ko pa alam exactly how to do that. As for moving forward, I try to live one day at a time. Made some progress na kahit papaano. Nabawasan na yung everyday na pag-iyak. Pero malungkot pa din. I think I am facing a major transition in life. Kaya siguro ganito. But I hope to bounce back sooner and take further steps to move forward. Ayoko din ma-stuck na lang.
I don’t have much context so medyo generic sasabihin ko:
Sa finance may concept ng sunk cost. Basically means di na dapat mag matter yung historicals sa pag decide sa future, kasi di naman magbabago yung nakaraan. I guess I take it that way. Yung idea na oo, nangyari na ito, pero after nun mangyari, what were the choices presented to me and more importantly did I choose correctly? Don’t dwell too much on what has happened kasi di na ma-u-undo. Focus on the controllable.
Dati may mga crippling fear/s din ako, pero habang tumatanda, I try to challenge myself and ask - what’s the worst that could happen? Alala ko nung bday ng hubby ko last year, he really wanted to try a ridge sa Mindanao. I would not normally try it kasi SRT siya medyo mahaba, plus, takot ako sa heights. But I asked myself: what’s the worst that could happen? Sagot ni self ko, die? Seryoso. Nung andun na ako, I just kept telling myself, tapusin mo ‘to, arwen! Pagdating sa taas, ok ka na! Ayun, na realize ko, kaya ko pala, sobrang controlled ka lang ng fear mo.
Lastly, I’m not religious, am not a fatalist rin naman, but I ascribe to the idea na things will make sense one day, maybe not just now. Sa offfice ko may prayer ako na nakasulat which goes:
May today there be peace within.
May you trust that you are exactly where you are meant to be.
May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith in yourself and others.
May you use the gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you.
May you be content with yourself just the way you are.
Let this knowledge settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love.
It is there for each and every one of us
Yang sunk costs na yan ay true revelation for me in that ngayong 30s ko lang talaga fully narealize ang ibig sabihin. The illusion that you have to keep doing what youre doing despite na parang wala nang returns kasi sayang naman all the resources you poured on it is evil. You have to stop digging. This applies both in the professional and personal arenas.
A friend’s situation comes to mind because she stays in a toxic relationship because of “sunk costs”. When they were just dating nabuntis so she stayed with him. They got engaged kasi guy was leaving for work abroad. While abroad the guy started an affair with a roommate. The girl stayed pa rin kasi may anak na sila and nakapetition nga sya to follow him. The affair became increasingly blatant and the guy behaved and spoke like he didnt respect nor care for her feelings at all. I saw the horrific text chain. I told her I know its not easy kasi may anak ka. Hindi lang emotional but economic considerations as well. But i told her i am willing to help her kahit konti sa basic needs ng baby mo and I will also ask a lawyer friend sa Pinas to help her file a petition for support. She instead got married to the guy. A week after wedding she was crying to me on the phone because they had a horrible fight. Nagalit si guy kasi pinost niya sa fb at ginawang cover pic ang wedding pics nila (na civil wedding nalang nga). Nananadya daw sya…the guy was referring to the kabit na mahi hurt ang feelings. Epal daw sya at siraulo. Wag na daw sya kausapin. Then their papers for US came. Sabi ko OK this is your chance. Punta ka dito pati anak mom get your job, then your permanent residency. Open a separate bank account then once you’re established at work divorce his @$$. She sounded like she agreed kasi affair was still going on and ito yung kabit na worthy of a TV show kasi palaban. Nagpu post talaga both IG and FB nakapublic pa. Well when she got here and they started living together for a week he hit her for some stupid reason. I helped her get to her relatives so she can maybe get it together there. I asked her what she wanted to do. I offered her and her son a place to live dito sa amin free. A friend of mine promised to help get her a job sa hospital na pinapasukan niya. Ang nangyari bumalik ulit sa guy after a month. Sinaktan sya ulit. I stopped telling her what to do. I have asked her point blank what she really wanted to do. She said she does not want to be known as hiwalay. Inanakan. Iniwan or pinagpalit. I think the mentality is panghihinayang sa pinuhunan niya on this relationship kaya she will stick to it no matter what kasi sayang naman. And well… thats just it. It is not. But ayoko na manghimasok kasi it has to be her decision.
@abbymaria grabe ang bigat naman niyan. I hope your friend decides what’s best for her and her child and stop thinking about what other people will think about the situation.
@arwen I like the analogy with sunk cost, an objective point of view. Although, lagi ko na naririnig yung “don’t dwell on the past and just move forward”. There is some perspective to it as if an objective observer is assessing the situation. Kasi kung ako lang, lubog pa sitwasyon, di ko ma-aapply basta yung idea ng “past is past”.
Nakakaaliw yung pagtingin sa buhay na investment din talaga ito. Mas madaling intindihin. Salamat sa perspektibo. Salamat din sa pag-share ng office prayer.
A few years ago, I got into a big hole with my business endeavor that resulted to me not just losing money, but friends too. I lost them because I couldn’t keep to my promise.
Ang tagal kong iningatan ang negosyo only to lose it to bad decisions. Magulo kasi buhay ko nun. Madaming nangyayari na sabay sabay tapos I just lost control. It left a foul taste in the mouths of a lot of people and simply put, I lost the confidence of a lot of my clients and friends.
Mahirap bumawi. Mahirap bumangon. Minsan iniisip mo if it is still worth the effort to start over. Parang ayaw mo na kasi nadala ka na. Until sabi nung isang kaibigan ko na hindi naman pwedeng ganito na lang ako habang buhay. Para makabawi, kelangan magsimula uli.
So eto ako ngayon, 4 years removed from that period in my life. I sorted out my problems and nagiisip ng paraan kung papaano ako makakabawi sa mga taong nawalan ng tiwala sakin. Madalas iniisip ko kung papaano ako mag sosorry sa kanila at sabihin na gusto kong gumawa ng paraan para maibalik ang tiwala nila sakin.
I’m starting a new business… pero ngayon, planado na lahat… nakaayos na lahat… pinagisipan at pinagsikapan. If it is any consolation, natutunan ko na maging masinop at maging mas involved sa negosyong papasukan ko. Hindi pwede na easy money. Ang perang madaling makuha, madali rin mawawala.
So yung ang kwento ng pagbangon ko… ikaw? anong kwento mo?
